[english] The Only One

Author : Magan Vernon

The sugary drink burned going down my throat. I hoped it wasn't because the guy who poured it out of the cooler roofied it. At least it drowned out the scent of sweat and stale beer. I didn't know how Monica talked me into an Alpha Mu Halloween party.
A horde of girls clad in skimpy costumes pushed past me like I was nothing more than another one of the paddles on the paneled wall. I tried to steer away from them, but my face hit a hard set of pecs. I gasped as I watched my entire drink soak through my sweater and onto my skin.
I looked up from my drenched sweater, all the way past a chiseled six pack to cool blue eyes. “Maybe you should just take it off up in my room and I can help you get dry.” He leaned in, his full lips right on my ear. “Or make you wetter.”
My breath caught in my throat, rendering me speechless. Luckily my best friend Monica jumped between us, pushing the guy back so I got a full view of him and realized he was only wearing a loincloth and a large smile.
"Down, John Boy." She scowled at him and then turned to me, almost knocking her beret off. "What the hell happened to you?"
"I-I-I spilled my drink."
Monica's eyes narrowed as she looked down at the red liquid soaking through my gray sweater. She whipped her head around to the loincloth-clad guy. "Was this your fault? Are you trying to get my friend ?"
He held up his hands, a eyed grin on his face. "Purely an accident, Lib."
Ah, now I knew where I’d seen...

 

The Only One
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Chapter 1

The sugary drink burned going down my throat. I hoped it wasn't because the guy who poured it out of the cooler roofied it. At least it drowned out the scent of sweat and stale beer. I didn't know how Monica talked me into an Alpha Mu Halloween party.

A horde of girls clad in skimpy costumes pushed past me like I was nothing more than another one of the paddles on the paneled wall. I tried to steer away from them, but my face hit a hard set of pecs. I gasped as I watched my entire drink soak through my sweater and onto my skin.

I looked up from my drenched sweater, all the way past a chiseled six pack to cool blue eyes. “Maybe you should just take it off up in my room and I can help you get dry.” He leaned in, his full lips right on my ear. “Or make you wetter.”

My breath caught in my throat, rendering me speechless. Luckily my best friend Monica jumped between us, pushing the guy back so I got a full view of him and realized he was only wearing a loincloth and a large smile.

"Down, John Boy." She scowled at him and then turned to me, almost knocking her beret off. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I-I-I spilled my drink."

Monica's eyes narrowed as she looked down at the red liquid soaking through my gray sweater. She whipped her head around to the loincloth-clad guy. "Was this your fault? Are you trying to get my friend ?"

He held up his hands, a eyed grin on his face. "Purely an accident, Lib."

Ah, now I knew where I’d seen him before. He’d came into the coffee shop we worked at a few times. I don’t think he even glanced in my direction more than to hand me his student ID to pay, but was always calling Monica ‘Lib.’ I’m guessing because she was an extreme liberal.

Monica's boyfriend, the governor's son Trey Chapman, pushed through the crowd. Usually when I saw him he was polished in dress pants and a dress shirt, but his Halloween costume was nothing more than a pair of American flag boxers, a dress shirt, and some gray hairspray. He looked ridiculous. The Clinton and Lewinsky costumes had been Monica’s idea.

"Hey, I’ve been looking for you." He slipped his arm around Monica's waist. "What's going on here?"

"John Boy spilled a drink on Melanie to try and get her ."

"Hey!" John Boy yelled.

"It wasn't his fault," I piped in. "It’s crowded here and he ran into me. It’s fine."

"Fine?" Monica raised her eyebrows. "That Hermione costume you've been wearing since middle school is covered in Everclear and Kool aid. That’s not fine, Mel."

"I haven't worn this since middle school!" Okay, truth was, it was my go-to costume. I’d bought it for the first movie's midnight showing and had worn it for every movie opening and Halloween since.

"Whatever." Monica turned her head to Trey and tugged on his shirt. "You can just wear Trey's shirt."

He shook his head. "I’m not walking around here just in my undershirt. The boxers are bad enough. Why don’t you give her yours?"

She looked down at the blue shift dress that we coated with white out. "Then I’ll be down to my bra and underwear."

"Not much more than a lot of the girls here are wearing anyway," I muttered.

Trey either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me and nodded his head in John Boy's direction. "John Boy, do you have an extra shirt that Monica's friend can borrow?"

The grin spread wider on John Boy's face before he ran his hand through his spiky brown hair. "I was just offering her the same thing." His eyes flitted to mine and an electric charge ran down my stomach. "What do you say, Melanie, care to come up to my room?"

I swallowed, hard. I didn't usually get propositioned by guys, especially guys with bodies that looked good in nothing but a loincloth. Every part of me was hyper aware of the curves of his muscles and I had to keep from staring at where his treasure trail stopped.

"Great, we're coming with." Monica grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the stairs.

I glanced back to make sure John Boy was actually following and he was. When he saw me look at him, he shot a wink in my direction.

"I can’t believe you were just about to go upstairs with him alone!" Monica hissed in my ear, forcing me to look at her.

"I was not," I whispered.

"Ugh, I knew this party was a bad idea."

Trey squeezed her side and she squealed. "You think everything is a bad idea."

"Eavesdrop much, Mr. Chapman?"

"Only when you don't try and give things a fair chance, Miss Remy."

I rolled my eyes, even though they couldn't see it, because they spent the rest of the way up to the second floor going on with their banter. My friend, the fierce liberal, loved picking fights with the uber conservative. It was like they rarely had a normal conversation, but she loved it. Every time she talked about him her whole face lit up. He’d finally brought her out of the dark clouds she first sat under when she transferred, and now they were inseparable.

I, on the other hand, was not taken and would have been just as happy sitting at home and not having something sticky that smelled like licorice on my costume. I’d have to ask Trey who he used for a dry cleaner.

We reached the second floor, where a few couples were making out and some girls were taking duck face photos with their phones. Ugh. Trey turned to the right and stopped at the first door.

John Boy sauntered in behind us, his loincloth still perfectly in place. Not that I was hoping for it to have shifted. "And welcome to Chez John Boy, where the magic happens."

He pushed open the door and I was overwhelmed by the smell of dirty socks mixed with cologne. The room was small, with an unmade twin bed in one corner, a futon opposite that, and a sole window across from us. Piles of clothes littered the floor and there were posters of half women and beer advertisements on the walls.

"I can’t believe any girl would actually screw you after seeing this place." Monica curled her upper lip, walking into the tiny room and dodging the piles of clothes.

“Some girls prefer things a little out of order. What do you think about it, Red?” John Boy winked.

“Red?” My hair definitely wasn’t red and I wasn’t one of those redheads who were in denial, like Monica, who claimed her hair was auburn. No, my hair was dirty, bottom of the sink brown and just as curly as the steel wool used to wash that sink.

“Yeah, you know, because of what’s soaking through that lovely sweater.” His eyes trailed down to the now giant red splotch across my shirt.

My cheeks heated up and probably turned just as red as my shirt.

“Okay, can you stop trying to spit your game at Melanie now and get us a shirt?” Monica groaned. Trey stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head.

“Keep your hat on, Lib, I’m getting it.” John Boy took a few strides over to the small closet and opened it. There were only empty hangers and a dresser inside. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a dark green shirt, tossing it in Monica’s direction.

She caught the shirt and unfolded it, holding it out in front of her before curling her upper lip. “Seriously? You expect Melanie to walk around wearing this?”

“What? That’s a nice one. Usually girls have to do a lot more than just get a drink spilled on them to get one of my shirts.”

I looked over Monica’s shoulder and raised my eyebrows when I read the shirt. “Alpha Mu: We’ll make you smile like a donut.” I didn’t get it at first and then I noticed the picture. It was of a girl with her mouth as a donut, making a giant O shape. Great, a blow job shirt.

“If you want me to make you smile, Red, I’d be happy to oblige.” John Boy sauntered back over, his full height looming over me. In the light I could actually see just how built he was. He looked like one of the MMA fighters from TV with his rippling chest and the tattoos on each of his pecs and his biceps. I just thought he was a big moose of a guy. He never actually said too much to me and now he was using every cheesy line he could.

Monica sidestepped between us. She was always overprotective when it came to guys. The only time I ever saw her calm down was when she was sleeping. She went through a lot of crap before she transferred to Central College. Trey and counseling made it a lot better, but I didn’t put it past her to deck John Boy. Even though I’m not sure it would have made an impact, looking at the size of his arms. “Just back off, okay? Thanks for the shirt and I’m sure Melanie will give it to Trey to return to you.”

“She can keep it. I’m sure it looks much better on her than me. It compliments those mesmerizing green eyes of hers.” A large grin spread across his face and I could feel my own definitely heat up. I was used to blending in with the crowd and even though he probably wasn’t sincere, it was nice to get a little attention once in awhile. I didn’t even think he knew my eye color. It seemed as if the guy was actually looking at more than my chest.

 

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Before I could respond, Monica ushered me out of the room and back down the hall.

“You could try and be a little nicer, Mon, John Boy was helping you out.” Trey followed behind us as we squeezed past the people lining the hallway.

“Yeah, well, he didn’t have to get all swaggery on her.”

Monica took my hand and led me up to the third floor. It was basically empty with a few doors on each side and to our left was a small blue bathroom that smelled even worse than John Boy’s room.

“I’ll stand guard at the door while you change.” Monica ushered me into the small bathroom and I shut the door behind me.

A bunch of Playboys littered the floor next to an old toilet that must have been white at one time but now looked yellow. Across from that was a small, subway-tiled shower and in front of me was a giant mirror in which I saw the giant red blob crossing my sweater. I’d never be able to get the stain out.

Monica and Trey’s muffled voices came from beyond the door, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Quickly, I peeled off my sweater and white tank top. The sugary drink had soaked through and left a giant red mark on my skin. I turned on the water and it hissed before spraying a very small trickle. It would have to do. I couldn’t find a towel, or even toilet paper so I put my shirt under water, letting it soak onto my sleeves and then scrubbed at my stomach, which did nothing more than aggravate my skin. “Ugh.”

I gave up and picked up the horrendous donut shirt, slipping it over my head. It was way too big for my five-foot frame and went down to my knees. John Boy had to be over a foot taller than me, like 6’5” and built. Very built.

I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts of him out. He wasn’t really interested in me. Sure, I probably wouldn’t have any problem getting a quick lay out of him, but that wasn’t what I wanted.

At least I didn’t think I did.

No, no I couldn’t think of him that way. He was the type of guy I needed to avoid. The guy who just wanted me for one thing. The guy I would end up falling hard for and he would just drop me like I was nothing. I had too much of that.

I grabbed my sweater and opened the door. Monica was pressed against the wall with her legs wrapped around Trey’s middle. Her fingers were laced through his hair and his hands disappeared somewhere underneath her dress.

I was definitely interrupting a heated moment, but I didn’t want to keep staring at their tonsil hockey either, so I cleared my throat. “Um, do we need to go or do you two need to use the bathroom?”

A sound like a suction cup peeling off a window came from their mouths as Monica dropped her legs, prying herself away from Trey. He faced away from me, adjusting his boxers.

“Sorry about that, Mel. You were taking awhile...and...yeah...” She bit down on her bottom lip and her cheeks flushed.

“It’s cool.” I shrugged. “We can go if you all are ready.”

Monica didn’t want to go to the party at all, but Trey insisted that she should face her fears and have some fun. That was how I got roped into it. Because dragging her best friend to a party to use when she needed an out to leave seemed like the best option to her. It’s not like I had anything better to do anyway. A sticky shirt and people watching were better than sitting home alone in my apartment and Facebook stalking.

“No, no it’s fine!” Monica shook her head and tugged on my arm. “Let’s go dance and get rid of this awkwardness!”

***

Monica led me back down to the basement with Trey following close behind. He couldn’t even look at me. It was actually the first time I’d caught them making out. They hadn’t been together that long, but whenever they were in public it was like Trey had to keep up some sort of persona and kept everything to just hand holding. There were a few times I’d seen him kiss her forehead, but that was it. And I had just caught them practically going at it in the stairwell.

Once we got down to the basement, some mash up of late 90’s music was playing. Monica pulled me through the crowd until she found a spot the three of us could stand. She faced me and tilted her head back, moving her body to the music. Trey slunk in behind her with his hands on her , and moved his body in sync with hers. Once again I was the third wheel in the Monica and Trey wagon, which was why I’d been in the corner in the first place.

I was ready to go hit the bar for another drink when a pair of hands slid onto my . I froze. I’d never had anyone come up behind me and do that. I trusted Monica to watch out for me and not let some guy take advantage of me, but at the same time I was intrigued about who the hands belonged to. I glanced back and locked eyes with John Boy; his very gaze making me tremble.

“I was right about how good that shirt would look on you.” His lips were hot on my ear and linked a direct line to my panties.

“It’s, um, a little big, don’t you think?” I managed to squeak out as he rocked my back against him.

“Don’t you like things big?”

I swallowed. My stomach felt like it had dropped to my knees. I tried to regain my thoughts when he laughed against my neck. “I’m just giving you shit, Red, don’t take it too seriously. Just dance with me.”

He turned me around so I was facing him. I had to practically stand on my tiptoes while he crouched down so my face wasn’t in his chest. That still didn’t stop me from staring at his chiseled form and also made me acutely aware how subpar my body was compared to his. I tried to suck in my stomach as he pulled me closer, pressing against me.

He mouthed the words to the music and I couldn’t help but giggle. “Are you a Backstreet Boys fan?” I had to practically yell over the music and the people making grunting noises around us. Whatever they were doing I didn’t want to know.

His laugh tickled my lips and even in the dark basement I could see his blue eyes sparkling. “My older sister was really into them so we always had this on in my mom’s minivan on the way to school.”

“Rocking out in a minivan, I didn’t take you to be that type of guy.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Red, and a lot I’d be willing to show you.” Before I could respond his hands slid behind my head and he tilted my chin up, putting his mouth to mine. I parted my lips slightly and his tongue slipped in and out teasingly, twirling with mine. He didn’t taste like alcohol, like I would have expected. His kisses were sweet like strawberry bubblegum and I wanted to taste him over and over. His hands slid down to my lower back, his tongue continuing to explore my mouth. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip and I felt a low moan gather in my throat. I craved more of him, slipping my fingers into his hair and pulling him closer, trying to deepen our kiss, but he didn’t budge.

He broke the kiss, placing a peck on my forehead before leaning down so his lips were on my ear. “Not here, Red, but if you want to go up to my room to continue this, I’d be happy to accommodate you.”

Did I want to? He was a damn good kisser, probably the best I’d ever had. And his body looked like something Photoshopped out of 300. But I didn’t think I wanted to just be another notch on his bedpost. Luckily Monica came to my rescue as usual.

Her hand was on my shoulder and she turned me around. She stood there with her eyebrows furrowed and Trey was right at her back with his arms around her waist. “Hey, are you ready to go, Mel?”

“Now? But it’s so early.” And I wanted to keep dancing with John Boy, no matter how stupid his nickname was and even if I didn’t go back up to his bedroom, I could still deal with just making out and whatever else we were doing.

“Early?” Her eyes bugged out. “It’s 2 am?”

“Seriously?” When did I lose track of time? I swore we had just left my apartment.

John Boy’s arm slinked around my waist. “You two can go have your fun and I can bring Red home later.”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so.” Monica yanked me forward until John Boy let go of me.

“I’m fine, really, my apartment isn’t that far.”

“Which is why me and Trey can walk you.”

John Boy leaned in over my shoulder. “I can walk her home when she needs it.”

“Watch it, loincloth, I’m not afraid to spork your eyes out.”

“Hey, let’s be reasonable here,” Trey spoke up. “I’m sure Melanie would be perfectly fine with having John Boy take her home.”

Monica whipped her head in Trey’s direction. “Are you serious right now? I am NOT just leaving my friend at a party.”

“She’ll be fine. He’s not going to do anything to her.”

Before Monica and Trey could continue their argument I groaned and yelled over them. “I’m right here, you don’t need to talk about me like I’m not.”

They both snapped their attention to me. “Sorry, Mel,” Monica grumbled.

 

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I sighed. “And I’m ready to go.”

I glanced over my shoulder at John Boy. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, grazing my knuckles. “I wish you’d stay, Red, but I understand if you have to leave.”

Locking my eyes with his, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to trace the lines of his tattoos and get tangled in his sheets. But that wasn’t what a girl like me did. That’s why I didn’t have a boyfriend. I didn’t just jump in bed with random guys, no matter how hot they were.

“I do, though.” I peeled my hand away. “Goodbye, John.”

Chapter 2

I should have kept a closer eye on the time because only four hours after I left the party I had to be at work. I groaned when I heard the ringing of my alarm clock and begged for it to be the wrong time.

No such luck.

My curtains were closed, but I could still make out the slight morning light. At least I was a student manager in a coffee shop, so I could just caffeinate myself up and get a nap in at noon.

I swung my legs over the bed and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. The top I was wearing fell down to my legs and that’s when I remembered that I fell asleep wearing John Boy’s shirt. It even still smelled like him. Yes, he might have been sweaty that night, but his cologne was amazing. It wasn’t overpowering like the expensive stuff Trey wore, but a light scent, like fresh cotton.

That was the moment I realized I was sniffing his shirt and felt like an idiot. I tore off the shirt and walked the few feet through my tiny living room to my bathroom, throwing it in the hamper. Better to wash the shirt and give it back to him right away. Monica would probably be asking for it soon anyway. By the way she was acting I could tell she didn’t think too highly of the guy, even though I was pretty sure he was Trey’s fraternity big brother.

There were still remnants of the red drink that had dried into a sticky goo on my stomach and I needed a long scrub. I showered, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, put on some makeup, and went back out into the living room. I couldn’t have shared my box of a studio apartment with a roommate. It only took about ten steps to get from the bathroom to my closet and I didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing me . But it wouldn’t hurt to have someone in my apartment. Someone who looked very good in just a loincloth.

I shook the thoughts out of my head as I slipped my regulation uniform red polo over my head. I couldn’t keep thinking about John Boy. He wasn’t the type of guy that dated girls like me. He was the guy that wanted one thing. Not that it would have been a bad thing, either. My high school boyfriend and I tried to work it out our freshman year of college, but I preferred to stay faithful and he preferred to screw other girls. I’d been single since I caught him cheating when I went to visit him at his school. I’d met a string of guys in some of my English classes, but nothing did it for me like John Boy did on the dance floor. Maybe all I needed was to just screw him and get it over with. That wasn’t my usual M.O., but maybe it was time for something new.

No, no, no. Monica would kill me. Or maybe she wouldn’t have to know.

***

Brewster’s Beans was located on the first floor of the student center. It was decorated in red and black to match the school colors. Hardly anyone came in on Sunday mornings so I always found myself rearranging coffee bags and counting the floor tiles.

I was the only person working until ten when Monica came in, so I brought some homework to work on after I started all the drip coffees. I was just finishing a chapter of my history textbook when I heard footsteps on the floor near me.

Quickly, I shoved my book underneath the counter and looked up to meet a lazy grin and bright blue eyes. John Boy. He was wearing a blue t-shirt with red AM letters across his very broad chest. His biceps were busting out of his shirt and I couldn’t help letting my gaze trail to the tattoos on them. I really wanted to get a better look, but wasn’t sure how exactly to ask a guy to take his shirt off in a public place. Though this was the guy who wore a loincloth to a party, so he probably would have been up for it.

“I thought I remembered you worked here with the Lib.” He sauntered closer, leaning against the pastry case.

“Yeah...yeah I do.” My cheeks grew hot. I probably looked like crap from my lack of sleep and the fact that I ran out of foundation. And even with little sleep the Greek God was standing in front of me looking—and smelling—fresher than ever.

“Well that’s good, because I was really craving a donut.” He leaned in closer. “Maybe you can help me out with one?”

“I, uh, yeah, I can totally get you a donut.”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about the donuts in the pastry case or making a reference to his ‘smile like a donut’ shirt. Either way, I thought I’d play along.

“Or I can get you one.” His fingers trailed the bare skin on my arm, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

“Am I interrupting something?”

I gasped and jumped back when I heard Monica’s voice behind me.

“Hey Mon,” I said and looked back at her. Her eyes were locked on John Boy, her eyebrows slightly raised.

“Good morning, Lib, pleasure seeing you here.”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Are you meeting Trey?”

John Boy shook his head with a small smile on his face. “No, just thought I’d see if I could get a donut.”

“I hope you’re talking about the kind in the pastry case,” Monica said.

He shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe not.” He shot a wink in my direction. “I guess I’ll just take a rain check on that donut, Red.”

With that, he pushed off the counter and walked out the side door. Monica followed him with her eyes until he was out of sight.

Monica blinked, looking at me like I had something weird on my face. “Um, what was that about?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. He just came in all flirty. He’d never actually done that before the party. I wonder if he even knew I existed.”

Monica smiled, adjusting her baseball cap with ‘Student Dining Services’ embroidered across it. “Maybe that Hermione costume really does have some magic on it.”

“You leave my costume out of this.” Monica didn’t understand my Harry Potter obsession. Okay, maybe not an obsession. It was something I tried to hide from the other English majors, but really there was nothing better than a good book with action and magic.

“Wasn’t there some guy in one of your Lit classes you were interested in, anyway?” She asked, quickly changing the subject off John Boy and my costume.

“You mean Walt?”

“Yeah. Was he the one that was really into Kerouac and smoked those black cigarettes?”

Walt Hines was the epitome of an English major. He always carried around a worn out copy of Slaughterhouse-Five and wore ter glasses with his girl jeans. I thought he was the type of guy I wanted to be with, until I actually hung out with him. He spent the night scrutinizing every book I’d ever read and told me Harry Potter wasn’t real literature. Once a guy slams down the Weasleys, it’s over.

“That would be Walt, but nothing ever happened there and nothing is happening with John Boy. He just came in to say hi.”

Monica leaned on the counter. “John Boy never just says ‘hi’ to girls unless it’s followed by ‘wanna screw?’”

I said a silent prayer of thanks when a group of students came in and lined up for coffee. That got Monica to stop talking John Boy and get back to work, but that didn’t mean it got me to stop thinking about him or his biceps.

Chapter 3

Midterms were approaching, which meant a lot more homework and a lot more people showing up for classes.

On Mondays I worked in the morning and then headed to American Religious History. It was across the quad from the student center where Brewster’s was located, in the art building that looked like a giant juicer.

It was a decent sized lecture hall, shaped in a half-circle with five rows of desks descending to a lower level where the professor’s podium was located. There was a giant screen behind that where he put up all the lecture slides.

I slumped down in an open desk near the back and searched through my bag for a notebook. Most everyone on campus just carried their laptops or iPads so they could play games while the professor lectured, but I still preferred the old pen and paper way. There was something about the feeling of putting pen to paper that I found invigorating. It was probably why I was an English major. I loved writing long hand. I had old journals full of half story ideas and notes from classes sitting in boxes back at my mom’s house.

Digging through my bag, I finally found a pen, but just as I grabbed it and put it on my desk it promptly rolled onto the floor.

 

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“Shit,” I mumbled.

I scrambled out of my desk when the pen stopped at a pair of Pumas. “Sorry!” I yelped and reached for the pen.

“No prob, Red.”

I grabbed my pen and when I stood up I met the endless blue pools of John Boy’s eyes. I’d never noticed him in my class before, but then again usually I was busy staring down at my notebook trying to take down notes.

“Hey, John.” I tried to regain my composure and sat in my seat. He took the one next to me, a small smile on his face. He pulled a slim Mac book out of his bag and sat it on the desk in front of him.

Out of all my classes, why did he have to be in the one I looked like crap for? There he was, looking gorgeous in a gray knit sweater and faded jeans that fit every bit of his form perfectly. The guy had to be literally all muscle. And I had seen a lot of him when he was wearing just the loincloth. I found myself thinking about what was under his clothes and my face heated up from the thought.

“So you’re going to call me John now?” He arched an eyebrow and tilted his head down, which just brought out the slight dimple on his chin. God he was too damn attractive.

“Um, well that’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but most people call me John Boy.”

“And why is that?” I tapped my pen on my notebook, trying to figure out something to do with my hands.

He let out a single laugh. “Just a nickname my pledge brothers gave me freshman year. When your name is John Walden, and it sounds similar enough to Walton, it just sort of happens.”

“As in John Boy from the Waltons? The TV show?” I didn’t think anyone under the age of seventy actually knew about that show. I only knew about it because my grandma was obsessed with it.

“It’s basic pop culture. I know you probably think we’re a bunch of dumb jocks who run around with paddles, but we at least know about Walton mountain.”

I swallowed, trying to figure out the right words so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have umed.”

He nudged my arm with his. “I’m just shitting you. Don’t take life so seriously. You could really stand to loosen up.”

“Sorry. I’m not brave enough to walk around a party in a loincloth.”

He leaned in closer, his breath warm on my ear. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t mind it if you did. Or just my bedroom”

Every hair stood on end and my body heated up like I took a hair dryer to my skin. The guy certainly knew the right spot to hit. He was definitely trouble. But maybe a good kind of trouble.

“So, um, I’ve never seen you in this class before.” I tried to regain my composure and sat up straighter.

“Been here all year, but usually I sit in the back. I couldn’t help but notice this head of gorgeous curly hair that’s always near the front taking notes.” His fingers coiled around a strand of my hair that had fallen out of my ponytail and he pushed it behind my ear. “I’m just usually too late to get the seat next to you.”

“Oh, um, heh...” I couldn’t think of anything to say and just felt like a blubbering idiot.

Thank God I was saved by Professor Marks stumbling into class with two of his grad students behind him. He dusted off his sweater vest and raked his fingers through his mop of gray hair. Our professor may have been one of the goofiest guys, but I liked him. He sounded like Woody Allen when he talked and made the Mennonite migration actually interesting.

“Sorry fellow historians, I know I’m late again and you’re all just dying to get on to the next American religious movement.” He stepped up to his desk and logged onto the computer, his desktop background popping up on the giant screen behind him.

“Have you started your paper yet?” John whispered.

“Yeah, I’ve done a little bit of research. What about you?” I kept my eyes on the professor as he pulled up the power point presentation for fear if I moved I would just end up staring at John. Or end up with my lips on his. Which wouldn’t have been so bad if we weren’t in class.

“Finished it up the other night. Nothing better than Mormon culture in Missouri.”

I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. His voice didn’t raise with sarcasm, it just kept the same even tone. “Overachiever,” I whispered.

“I like to get things done.”

I tried to focus on the professor but I couldn’t help paying attention to every move that John made. It was probably a good thing I didn’t know he was in this class before or I would have never been able to concentrate. Every time his fingers touched the keyboard I found myself watching how his hands moved and thinking about how those same hands were on my just a few nights before and what other parts of him were pressed against me.

I was expecting him to be one of the guys that would just play games or check his Facebook, but he really was paying attention. Maybe he wasn’t the dumb jock I pegged him as.

By the time class was over I had barely taken any notes and was hoping there wasn’t something big I missed. I gathered up my stuff and put it in my bag, ready to walk out of class, but then John put his hand on my lower back. I glanced up to meet his pearly white smile. How was I supposed to stay away from the guy that made me melt just from a little smile?

“Where you headed, Red?”

“I have World Literature over in Brown, you?”

He kept his hand on my lower back as we headed down the row and out of the classroom. My whole body was acutely aware of his fingers and I had a feeling every other girl was aware of it as well. A few whispers came from some of the girls that we passed walking through the classroom and out the doors into the November air. I didn’t even want to guess what they were saying, but from the glimpses of snarled upper lips I didn’t think it was anything good.

“I’ve got Algorithms and Data structure over in Ike.”

“Say what?” I looked up at him.

He tilted his head back, laughing softly. “It’s a computer class. I’m a computer science major.”

“Seriously?” I widened my eyes. He had to be messing with me. A guy with a body like his had to be some sort of kinesiology major or something. I’d seen a lot of the computer science majors and they were the type of guys that lived for online gaming, not fine specimens like John Walden.

“Man, you don’t give me any credit. Yeah, I’m really a computer science major. Does that surprise you?”

“Honestly, yeah. I didn’t think that was your type of thing.”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to my ear. “And a lot I’d love to show you.” His tongue grazed the very edge of my jaw line, sending a shiver of pleasure all the way down to my toes.

“John Boy!”

John snapped his head up and I gasped when I saw two buxom blondes in Kappa Beta shirts sauntering in his direction. Just what I wanted to see. Ugh. I had nothing against sorority girls. In fact, Monica was a Kappa Beta at her old school and my sister was a Sigma. But there was just something about the way these two girls puffed their chests out and smiled at John that made my blood boil.

“Hey Layla, Hey Lex.” He nodded in their direction and still kept his hand on my back. Good. Showed them that I wasn’t just another random girl. Even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was. “Do you all know Melanie? She’s Trey’s girlfriend’s friend.”

The curlier of the blondes slowly moved her gaze in my direction, blinking hard. “Oh, yeah. You work at Brewster’s, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” I nodded, unsure what I was supposed to say.

She turned her attention back to John and scooted closer to him, running her manicured fingers down his arm like I wasn’t even there. “So, did you and Gabe talk about the mixer for Friday night? We’d love to do an exchange with our Alpha boys.”

I felt like that was my cue to leave and I slowly tried to slip away, but then John’s hand slinked around my waist, pulling me against him. Even while his eyes were on the girl, I felt that his attention was focused on me. “Yeah. I’ll have Gabe text you or something.” He squeezed my side. “See you, Layla.”

He turned me in the other direction and started walking away from the two blondes, who had to be gaping at me. “Trying to get away from me, Red?”

“I just need to get to class and you were talking...”

He laughed, a low sound that came from deep in his stomach. “You need to chillax a little.”

“What?” I raised an eyebrow. The leaves were changing colors and starting to fall off the trees, blanketing the ground in a array of reds and oranges. If I was by myself I may have gone out of my way to find a particularly crunchy one to step on. But I couldn’t embarrass myself like that in public and especially not in front of John.

 

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“You seem so tense. Maybe I need to come by your place and give you a massage or something.” He squeezed my side. If he thought I was tense before, he probably thought I had gone rigor. My body seized under his touch and it became hard to breathe.

“Um, no, that’s okay.” We were almost in front of Brown Hall and I had to get away before I did or said something stupid and made a fool of myself. “I better get to class. Don’t want to be late.”

I wiggled out of his grasp and power walked like an old lady toward Brown.

“See you around, Red!” I heard him yell behind me, but all I could do was wave because if I turned around and saw him smiling, there was no way I was ever going to actually make it to class.

On the one hand, he seemed like a big player. No guy just makes out with a girl in the middle of a fraternity party if he wasn’t. But on the other hand, there was something different about him that was becoming highly addictive and hard to stay away from. Maybe the guy wasn’t a player and maybe I’d get a chance to find out.

But that would have to wait until after class.

Chapter 4

The next few days were filled with the normal routine of work and classes. It made me acutely aware of what little of a life I actually had. My dad bailing on us put a lot of financial stress on my mom before I went to college. I had to rely on student loans and a lot of hours at the coffee shop just to get by. I couldn’t blow all that by going out every night. That would be why I was currently sitting alone in my apartment while everyone else was probably out.

The Halloween party at the Alpha Mu house was a fluke. No matter how much I tried to concentrate, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to images of John. Not just how good he looked in a loincloth, but the way he looked at me. Like there wasn’t anyone else around. Hell, he ditched two blonde girls to talk to me.

No. I shook my head, even though no one could see me. I’d been staring at my open Word document, typing my paper for American Religious History. It was very dry material and I constantly had to take breaks to check my Facebook or watch a YouTube video just to stay awake.

After an additional half an hour of reading another boring article, I decided I deserved another Facebook break. Usually not much had changed on my newsfeed except for some more memes or people with bad grammar from high school posting about something stupid. But this time I did have something new. One friend request.

I clicked on it and there was a picture of a guy in a loincloth. John “John Boy” Walden wants to be your friend.

I couldn’t help it. I giggled and quickly pressed accept. No sooner had I pressed the button when a message popped up.

Hey, Red, thought we should become official friends.

I gasped unconsciously. It was as if he was waiting for me to come on. I wondered what he was doing at this exact moment, but it would have been really creepy to ask, so instead I just went for normal conversation.

Good Call.

Whatcha doing?

What was I doing? Did he just ask that? Was he going to ask me to do something? How should I respond to that? “Pull yourself together, Melanie,” I chastised myself. “You don’t need to be that crazy girl who fawns over what a guy’s thinking. You also shouldn’t be the crazy girl that talks to herself.”

Nothing much. I’m just working on my history paper, you?

Seriously? It’s Thursday night and I’d expect a fine girl like you to already be pre-gaming.

I always found it nuts to drink on a week night. I had classes the next day and I wouldn’t miss those. I cared more about what my teachers thought of me than the other students a lot of the time. The people having parties weren’t giving me a grade.

It’s not really my thing.

What if you came over here and hung out with me then? We could make it your thing.

I had to seriously think about that one. On the one hand, I wouldn’t mind seeing him outside of the classroom. On the other, I didn’t want to be just another notch in his bedpost. That’s all I figured he wanted anyway. He just seemed to really be going out of his way to get it. Was he actually into me?

No, it’s fine. We can’t all be overachievers like you and I really need to get this paper done.

Want some company?

Was he really asking what I thought he was?

I could swing by if you need someone to show you how a history paper is done.

I knew how to write a paper; I was an English major for God’s sake. I had just been procrastinating on it. I didn’t really need his help. Which was why my reply shocked even me.

If you want to come over and hang out and talk about the Mennonites, I guess that’s fine.

Was the paper just innuendo for sex? I wasn’t good at these types of things. It took me a long time before I even fully understood the context of the donut shirt.

Cool. I can be over there in a bit. Where do you live?

I quickly typed in my address. What the hell was I doing? I wasn’t the type of girl that just had guys over to my apartment. My apartment! I sprang from my chair and surveyed the room. Sure, it may have only been about 450 sq feet, but that didn’t stop me from constantly making a mess of it. Directly across from my desk and couch was my kitchen, or more like the wall that my sink, fridge, and stove were on. There were a few dirty dishes in the sink that I hadn’t gotten to. Crap.

I didn’t have time to wash them and I didn’t want to do a half-hearted scrub so I just opened my freezer and tossed the plastic bowls in. I would just have to worry about them later. I then slid across the hardwood floor to my bedroom. Okay, not much of a bedroom, but I had a cubed, open book shelf from Ikea that I displayed all my books on and it at least blocked my bed from the rest of the room. Quickly, I made my bed and stacked my pillows on it.

Another quick swoop of the room and I found a pile of dirty clothes. I didn’t technically have a closet, but a wall across from my bed had a curtain rod dangling across it. Nowhere to hide my clothes. Why did I care so much? John’s room looked like a tornado went through it. But I did care. No guy had ever come to my apartment, even just to do homework.

I surveyed the room one last time. There was only so much I could do with the place, but at least it looked presentable. When I turned away from the front door to the bathroom opposite it, I caught my reflection in the mirror and gasped. I may have cleaned up my apartment, but maybe I should have checked out myself. After working all day I had bad hat hair, so I quickly just pulled it into a bun on top of my head. It was at least a little better, but that didn’t hide the dark circles under my eyes. I rushed in and found my makeup bag on the sink and searched through it until I found concealer to try and cover up as much as I could. “Okay, not half bad.”

Before I could make another move, a knock came at my door. Shit, was it that time already? I stuffed my makeup back in the bag and tossed it in the bathtub, pulling the shower curtain shut so he wouldn’t see that mess, either. I stared at myself in the mirror one last time. “You can do this, Melanie. It’s just studying.”

I turned around, closing the bathroom door behind me, and then finally opened the front door. John stood with one arm leaning against the doorframe, making his t-shirt slightly rise up so I could see a hint of his stomach and even the waistband of his underwear. I tried not to stare and looked up to his smiling face, but it wasn’t my face he was looking at.

“Nice tights, Red.” He nodded.

In all my rush I completely forgot to change clothes. I swallowed hard, looking down at my red and white snowflake leggings and the giant gray hoodie I was lounging in. I could have at least changed my clothes instead of worrying so much about the alignment of my bookshelf.

“Uh, thanks.”

He pushed off the doorframe and practically strutted into the room, his eyes trailing around with amusement. “Nice place you got here. No roommate?”

I shut the door, shaking my head. “No, it’s just me.”

I didn’t want to deal with roommates. I had a crazy one my freshman year in the dorms who always brought random guys over and I’d find dirty boxers on our floor.

“Nice.” He set his nylon computer bag on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch. I picked up most of my furniture on sale or through Craigslist ads. The couch was one that some guy was selling after his wife left him. I still didn’t completely trust it and had shampooed it three times. It had started off beige, but by the third cleaning it almost looked off-white.

I leaned against my fridge, unsure of where else to go. I could have either sat next to him on the couch or on my bed, but I didn’t want things to lead to the bedroom. “Do you want something to drink?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m good. You could just stop standing there staring at me like I’m going to rob the place.”

“I-I-I didn’t say I thought you were going to do that.”

A large grin spread across his face. “I’m just shitting you, Red.”

 

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“I totally knew that.” I blinked.

“But seriously, you don’t need to just stand and stare. I’ve been waiting this whole walk over for you to regale me with these stories of Mennonites.”

Right. My paper. That’s why he was over. I took the few steps over to my desk, which was smooshed between my bookcase and the couch. At least my desk chair gave me somewhere else to sit. “If you really want to hear all the exciting details, I’m sure I can share them.”

I sat down at my chair and was eye level with his bicep. That’s when I really noticed the detail of his tattoo. I may have been sitting next to him all week, but he usually wore long sleeves and I was too busy trying to avert my eyes from other things the night of the Halloween party.

“Is that what I think it is?” I leaned in closer, making out the triangle shape with a circle in the middle and a line running through that. On each slope of the triangle a few words were scrolled out. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” I whispered it until I finally realized what it was and had to hold back my squeal. “Oh my god! It’s Deathly Hallows! You didn’t tell me you were a Harry Potter fan.”

He laughed, a sound that came from low in his stomach. I met his eyes, which sparkled a mesmerizing blue even in the dim light of my apartment. “I guess it just never came up. I was always a fan of the books when they came out and it just seemed like a good piece of ink to get.”

I wanted to reach out and trace the lines of the tattoo. I couldn’t believe I never noticed it before and now I wanted more. “What about your other ones?”

He smirked. “You noticed those?”

“You were sort of in a loincloth the other night. They were kind of hard to miss.”

He turned at his waist, pulling up his shirt sleeve slightly on the other bicep. I half expected it to be the Hogwarts crest, but it was definitely more detailed than that. A lion’s head sat at the top of a teal crest with two shaking hands at the top and a buccaneer ship below that. A white ribbon molded around the bottom of the crest with the words Alpha Mu across it.

“For your fraternity?”

He nodded, his eyes meeting mine as I looked up from the intricate detail that circled each bit of the lion’s mane. “Do you want to see the others?”

I spoke before I even thought about what I was saying. “Yes.”

He leaned against the back of the couch before he peeled off his shirt, leaving only his bronzed chest for me to stare at. On his right pec was a Celtic cross that looked like it was carved out of a tree, complete with gnarled roots at the bottom. He ran his fingers along the circle where a few leaves branched out from the cross. “This is to show that I’m firmly rooted in my family’s heritage.”

Slowly he slid closer, turning toward me so that I had a full view of his broad chest and the second tattoo on his left pec of a tribal bull.

“What is this one for?” I whispered, staring at the dozens of lines that made the running bull.

He took my hand in his and brought my fingers up to the tail of the bull. My fingertips lingered over the details. I thought it would feel different than regular skin. If anything it was a little smoother, but I didn’t know if that was the tattoo or just how John’s body felt under my fingertips. “It was my nickname when I played hockey in high school. The guys used to say I was like a bull in a china shop, but I took more out of it than that.”

He moved my fingers up from the bull’s tail to its snout. “Bulls are misunderstood creatures. Everyone thinks they’re just these big things that are out to attack everyone they meet. I think they’re just provoked and have to do something to defend themselves.”

“And you think you’re like the bull?” I moved my head up and saw that John wasn’t looking down at the tattoo; his eyes were directly focused on me.

“Yeah, I know it’s cheesy and not something guys usually say, but definitely. Everyone thinks I’m just some big guy that wants to either or fight. Maybe I don’t want that.”

“Then what do you want?”

He leaned in even closer so his face was barely an inch from mine. The flicker of vulnerability I saw was gone and replaced by a very sexy smile. “Right now, I want to see if you have any tattoos hidden under that sweater.”

I tried to control my breathing. I knew I shouldn’t have been so nervous. That I could have held my ground, but the nearness of him and the whole admitting that he felt vulnerable had me wanting him even closer. “No tattoos, but I do have a piercing.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows.

I leaned back on the chair and lifted up my shirt slowly, making sure to suck in my stomach. I did work out regularly, but I definitely didn’t have the body John did and wasn’t as comfortable as him to show all of it.

He bent forward, his fingers grazing the tiny silver bar that pierced my belly button. “Nice.” He inched closer until his face was right at my stomach. His lips left feather light kisses on each side of the bar before his tongue darted forward and circled my belly ring.

I gasped at the feeling of his warm tongue against my cold stomach. He put his tongue back in his mouth and looked up at me with a huge grin on his face. “Very nice.”

“I thought you wanted to hear more about the Mennonites.”

He put his hands on either side of my waist. “You’re the one that started this, Red. If you don’t want to finish it, we can study. But it’s going to be damn hard if I have to stare at your hot little body in those tights all night.”

He put the ball in my court. I could have gone back to working on my paper. I should have gone back to working on my paper, but instead I let another part of me win over. I put my hands on either side of his face and then crushed my lips to his. At first he didn’t kiss back, but when he did, it came in full force, pulling me off the chair. I pushed him forward, knocking him into the couch while I straddled my legs against his waist. His fingertips roamed my lower back, pushing my sweater up so that every touch grazed my bare skin.

His tongue circled mine and then he sucked it gently just like he did to my belly ring only a few seconds before. The guy definitely knew what he was doing and I definitely wasn’t as experienced as I thought I was. My hands fumbled for where to go. I didn’t know if I should try and go for his pants or if he wanted me to touch his arms. Instead they just awkwardly flailed from his biceps to the couch and back.

Finally John moved his hands and took mine, placing them above his head. Since I was so much shorter than him, I was in an awkward position and my arms felt like they were being stretched out. I broke the kiss, fearing that if I didn’t my arms would break off.

John arched an eyebrow as I sat up and pulled my arms down, trying to resist shaking them out. “Sorry I suck at this.” I blew out a deep breath of air.

He slowly sat up, his body still underneath mine. “Red, trust me, you definitely don’t suck at this. And while that was pretty awesome, I’m not just here to judge you on your making out skills.”

“Then why did you come over?”

He sighed. “Despite what it looks like and what you think of me, I actually did come over here to study with you.”

“I don’t think anything of you.”

“Please, I’m not stupid. The checking out my tattoos, showing me your belly ring, and even that sexy outfit. It all added up to us being on the couch.”

I dropped my jaw, my mouth gaping open. “I did not plan to have you come over so we could fool around. How could you think that of me?” Okay, maybe I did expect if he came over there would be some kissing, but it’s not like I always studied with guys just to make out. There were plenty of guys I studied with in my major. Okay, maybe only a few. But John didn’t need to know that.

He placed his hands on the small of my back. “It’s cool that you can’t resist me. In fact it’s pretty ing awesome, but I don’t just want to get in your pants all the time.”

“Then what do you want?” I tilted my head.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t. When I saw you in class the other day I just thought ‘I need to talk to her. I need to spend more time with her.’”

“And why is that?” I pressed. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer, but my curiosity won out.

“As much as I’d like to carry you over to that nice bed or press you against that lovely book shelf, I know that Monica and Trey would have my balls if I did anything to hurt you.”

“Maybe Monica and Trey don’t know me as well as they think. Maybe I did just invite you over here for sex.”

He pressed a very chaste kiss on my jawline. “A girl that recognizes my Deathly Hallows tattoo isn’t the type of girl that humps and dumps.” He glanced over at the clock that hung above my TV. “And I should probably get going if we’re going to keep it that way.”

 

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“What?” I couldn’t keep the shock out of my voice.

John grabbed his shirt from the floor and I slowly slid off of him while he pulled it back over his head. “As much as I’d love to stay and see where this would go, I think it’d be better if I left.”

I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t even think of what to say. I didn’t expect him to really stay and help me study, but I didn’t think he would just up and leave either.

He stood, pulling the last inch of his shirt down. “You’d better get to work on that paper.” He leaned over and placed a quick kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

With that he took the few steps to my front door and left. Leaving me there with my mouth gaping open wondering what the hell just happened.

Chapter 5

Eventually I did get back to working on my paper. Well, tried to work on my paper. Every time I would get on a roll I’d type one word that made me think of John. Probably because there weren’t many names for Mennonite guys and John was a big one they used. I couldn’t think of some guy going across Missouri in a horse and buggy when the John I was just with lit me up like fireworks on the Fourth of July.

In class the next day I didn’t take a single note because I just stared at the spot where John’s Deathly Hallows tattoo was. It made it very hard to concentrate when twelve hours before the guy was underneath me and I had full view of all those tattoos. It wasn’t like he mentioned anything from the night before, either. He was very nonchalant about the whole thing, which wasn’t like the guy I had talked to just a week before that was spewing sexual innuendoes left and right. All of a sudden he was the respectful guy. Restraining himself. Did I turn him off or did he mean something when he said I wasn’t the type of girl that humps and dumps?

I wanted to talk to someone about it, but I had no one. I could have tried Monica, but she didn’t seem too thrilled for me to even be talking to him at the Halloween party. Who knew what she would think about me having him over.

Mornings at the coffee shop were always the best time to work. It was usually dead and I could work on homework. Technically I shouldn’t have been, but the head of campus dining said as long as I didn’t have it on the main counter and it didn’t interfere with work, it was fine. I was at the back counter, reading over my Spanish workbook, when a hand slapped on the counter. I gasped, jumping back only to come face to face with a giggling Monica.

“I’m so sorry. That was totally not cool of me.” Of course she said all of this while still laughing so it wasn’t very convincing.

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved my hand like it was no big deal.

“Anyhoo, seeing if you want to get lunch after work.”

“Um, yeah that should be fine, I’m off soon.” I blinked, hoping I wasn’t giving away everything about John on my face.

“Great. Do you want to hit Hoopers? I can wait over there until noon and work on some homework or Facebook.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “That would be great.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

***

Hoopers was a deli next to the coffee shop in the student center. It was also decked out in the school colors of red and black with basketball memorabilia decorating every available wall space. The cashiers wore referee shirts and even the floor was designed to look like a basketball court. It was cheesy, but they had some of the best sandwiches on campus.

I placed my order at the counter, took my number and then found Monica sitting in a booth, in the corner, underneath a giant mural of some 1928 championship team. As soon as I sat down, she closed her laptop and took a big slurp from her iced tea.

“So, you and John Boy, ey?”

I widened my eyes. I didn’t really think there was much to say about it, except our few make out sessions and talking in class, but I wondered what else he could have said to Trey. “Um, what?”

Monica rolled her eyes. “Seriously, don’t play dumb with me. I totally saw you two making out at the party and that you guys are now Facebook friends.”

I shrugged. “We hung out a few times. No big deal.”

Monica laughed. “I heard Layla from Kappa throwing a fit about John hanging out with some coffee shop girl. I knew it wasn’t me and it could have been Hickey Betsy, but I thought you probably had a better shot than her.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. The girl does get around.” Betsy was one of our co-workers that always conveniently slept in for her shift and would show up late with a bunch of hickeys or massive sex hair.

“Yeah, but I think she’s more of a Pi Rho groupie than an Alpha Mu groupie.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Fraternities have groupies?”

“Definitely. It’s actually kind of nauseating. I swear there are groups of girls that make it their life goal to be Alpha Mu girlfriends. You know how many girls just hang around that house waiting for some guy to pick them up? It’s gross. They also all suck up to me on Facebook and stuff just hoping I’m their ‘in.”

I shook my head. “That seems too weird.”

Before Monica could respond a short server with glasses and a shaved head walked over, holding two trays in his hand. “Okay, I have number 33, A Finger Roll with a side of coleslaw and number 59, a Ball Hog with a side of potato salad.”

Monica raised her hand as if she were in class. “The Finger Roll is mine.”

The guy plopped our trays down and nodded. “Enjoy.” He then turned and walked away as quickly as he came.

Monica unwrapped her plastic utensils. “Speaking of weird, it’s time we had Monica’s liberal talk about birth control. If you’re going to be hanging around John Boy, that’s fine, but you should stock up.”

“Okay, we are seriously not having this conversation.” I stabbed at my potato salad.

“Um, yeah, we’re. You know my thoughts on contraceptives and if you’re going to fool around with the biggest manwhore that I know then you should probably go to Student Health Services and get on the pill.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously are you like my mother now? We aren’t . I’m not planning on it anytime either.”

Monica’s face was deadly serious. I should have known better. After what happened to her at her old school she had been a crusader for emergency contraceptive, even though she was dating the guy whose dad publicly opposed all forms of birth control. “I’m just saying, sometimes accidents happen and you don’t want to end up forking over a hundred bucks for the morning after pill. Just think about it okay?”

I let out a big puff of air through my nose. “Okay. I can do that.”

***

Monica did have a point, and if she wasn’t going to rub John’s manwhorish ways in my face then I figured I should listen to her. I also didn’t expect that every time he came to my apartment— if he ever came to my apartment again—he would leave before something started, so better safe than sorry.

I wasn’t usually the girl that fell so hard for a guy. Or even thought about sleeping with someone I barely knew. Maybe if I eased up and got a quick hook up out of my system I wouldn’t have to think about it again and could just go back to my normal life. Whatever normal was.

I made an appointment for later that afternoon with Student Health Services and felt like I was doing the walk of shame as I made my way up to the second floor, down the linoleum hall, and into the white, sterile room.

There used to be a person who would check everyone in at the front desk, but someone decided to forego that. Now there was a row of five computers that you used to check in and then took a spot on an uncomfortable red chair until someone called you back.

I quickly checked in at a computer and then took a seat. There were a few others in the room. Mostly snotty-nosed students and I was hoping they couldn’t tell that I was perfectly healthy and just in to get birth control so I could sleep with my chiseled obsession.

It was only a few minutes before a short, plump lady in a white lab coat called my name. I could feel the heat of everyone’s eyes on me. They wondered how the girl that wasn’t gripping a box of tissues got to see someone before they did. I thought about faking a limp as I walked back, but that might have been too much.

I followed the lady back to a small room with posters on the wall about quitting smoking and where to find help for domestic abuse. I kept my head down and tried not to stare at the stirrups on the examination table that I knew my feet would soon be in. I was embarrassed to admit that it was my first time getting a pelvic exam. Sure, I’d . I was with my high school boyfriend forever. But I never really thought about getting on the pill. It was better late than never.

The nurse stood at a small counter with a tiny sink and some containers of cotton balls and swabs. “Okay, Melanie, it looks like you are here for a pelvic exam and to talk about birth control?”

 

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I nodded, standing awkwardly in the doorway. She had closed the door when we walked in, but I didn’t know if I should sit or what I should do, so I just stood there, staring at her. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay, the doctor will see you in a little bit, but first let’s just get your height, weight, and temperature.”

I stood on the scale and let her put a thermometer on my forehead. I thought she was going to leave after she did that, but instead she opened a drawer underneath the sink and tossed me a small hospital gown that smelled like moth balls.

“I’m going to need you to get undressed from the waist down and sit on the examination table.”

“Uh, okay.” I stared at the smelly material in my hand while she walked out, closing the door behind her.

“Usually someone has to try a lot harder to get me to take my pants off,” I muttered to myself.

I slid off my jeans and panties but kept my socks on. I don’t know why, but I felt a little better if I at least kept those on. Then I propped myself up on the table and waited, swinging my legs back and forth. With how quickly I was sent back to the room, I thought the doctor would get there immediately. Twenty minutes later by the time I thought I’d go insane from reading the same poster over and over, the doctor finally emerged.

“Hello Melanie!” She sprang in like a ball of fire, which she could have been with her mounds of curly red hair that surrounded her round face. Her beady little eyes lit up behind her glasses when she saw me sitting at the table, as if I was the Queen of England or something.

“Um, hi.”

“I’m Dr. Monroe,” she said, walking over to the table with the sink and setting down a file. “It looks like you are here for a pelvic exam and to talk birth control.”

“Yes. Yes I am.” I tried saying it confidently, but my voice squeaked with each word.

“Well, it’s good to see that you’re looking into protection. Are you practicing safe sex now?” She raised her eyebrows.

I rubbed the back of my neck. That seemed like a personal question to talk about with someone I just met, then again she would soon have her hand up my crotch so I guess formalities weren’t necessary. “Um, I’m not really , but looking to be prepared.”

She nodded. “It never hurts to be prepared.” She sat on a small stool and wheeled it over to me. “Now are you thinking of oral contraceptives? An IUD?”

“Uh...I guess the oral ones?”

She folded her hands together on her lap. “We can definitely do that. There’s a wide variety of kinds to choose from. You’ll need to take them at the same time every day to prevent pregnancy and usually we do a combination of estrogen and progestin pills with the last week being sort of like a sugar pill for the week of your period and then you’ll start a new pack.” She pushed her glasses up. “But remember, birth control prevents pregnancy, not STDs. You’ll need condoms and we do offer those for free at the pharmacy.”

“Okay.” It sounded easy enough and I made a mental note to pick up some condoms. I was sure that John probably had them, but better safe than sorry.

“Let’s get this exam started then we can get your prescription and have you on your way!” She patted my knee, smiling like we were old friends. Old friends didn’t just stick their hands up their other friends’ lady bits. “Now just lie back and I’m going to take the stirrups out.”

I gulped, lying back and trying to think of anything else than what she was about to do. I counted the ceiling tiles and tried not to wince as she kept rambling on while she poked and prodded down there. It was the most awkward situation I’d ever been in and it didn’t help that she kept trying to make small talk as she worked. Finally, she pulled whatever instrument she had out, threw some stuff in the trash and instructed me to sit back up.

“Okay, Melanie, I’m just going to get you written up for a prescription and we’re just going to run some labs on your cultures. Since you aren’t sexually active you shouldn’t have anything to worry about and we’ll discreetly email you the results. If something does come up, we’ll give you a call.”

“All right.” I sat up, waiting for her to leave so I could get my pants on.

She handed me a small piece of paper with a prescription written on it. “You can just take this next door to the pharmacy and you should be on your way. Good luck.”

I let out a big puff of air when she left and stared at the piece of paper. Birth control. I took the plunge to get it without even really thinking about it. Sure, I was extremely attracted to John, but did he want me too? He left so fast after our kiss that I wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. Or what I wanted.

I traced the edge of the paper. No guy had ever made me feel like he did. No one ever made me feel like I was more than some geek with a penchant for fantasy books. Not even Robby. Maybe there was something to John and maybe getting birth control was the first step to finding out more about the guy I couldn’t stop thinking about.

Chapter 6

I had to work all weekend, since Betsy wasn’t pulling her weight. I wished I had the authority to fire her or even the balls to. I knew there were probably parties at the Alpha Mu house and John would definitely be there, but I didn’t know if I could function another day at work with only a few hours of sleep. Plus, I didn’t even know if I’d have a chance to be alone with him.

Monday he didn’t show up for class and my face fell each time a guy walked in and it wasn’t him. Maybe he was purposely ignoring me? He hadn’t messaged me all weekend either. Oh God, I probably scared him away and now he hated me. Why did I have to be so awkward? I was probably a bad kisser and he was trying to figure out a way to let me down gently. What was I supposed to do with a three month supply of birth control and a dozen condoms?

I went on with my day, hoping I was wrong. Hoping that I would see him again or somehow he would get my number and text me, but nothing. I couldn’t even work on homework without thinking about him. But I kept going. I couldn’t let one guy affect me that much. Especially a guy that had the reputation of a manwhore.

Well, I thought I could go on until he sauntered into class Wednesday morning. He wore a backwards hat, had a bit of stubble on his face, and looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. It was sexy in an unkempt way. I kept wondering where he was just a few minutes before and if he actually did wear those clothes to bed or nothing at all.

“Hey, Red.” His voice had a hint of rasp to it, making him even sexier. “Long time no see.”

“Well, I’ve been in class, I don’t know where you’ve been.” I tried to keep my eyes on my notebook, but my gaze kept flitting back to his lips. His oh so kissable lips.

“Yeah, it’s been a rough weekend. Maybe you can make it better and stop by tonight.”

My breath caught in my throat and I almost choked on it. I coughed slightly and patted my chest. A few people turned back to look at me and I smiled weakly. Good one, Melanie. “Um, what did you have in mind?”

He turned his hat around, pulling it low over his eyes so I could just see his smile. “It’s Whiskey Wednesday at the house, but you don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.” He leaned in, his breath hot on my ear. “We can just hang out.”

Remain calm, Melanie. He wants to actually hang out. But if I went to his house maybe it would lead to something more. “I-I-I can stop by for a little bit, I guess, if you want me to. You didn’t seem too into it the other night.”

I glanced up to see our professor walking into the room and then met John’s eyes, hooded by his hat. “That was before the Lib told me that if I didn’t lock you down soon, someone else would.”

I blinked hard, trying to focus. “I’m sure Monica didn’t say that.”

He laughed again, the smile spreading across his face. “Maybe not in those exact words, but let’s just say she made it very clear that she wasn’t exactly pleased about the idea, but there was nothing she could do to stop it, so she had to get used to it.”

John brushed his fingertips against my arm. “And it was getting harder and harder to ignore you, so I hope Monica wasn’t just bullshitting me and you’re coming by tonight.”

I stared at the front of the room, hoping my face wasn’t completely crimson because it felt like it was on fire. “I don’t know. You did go awhile without talking to me. Maybe I found someone else to help me occupy my time.”

His hand stayed on my arm, but he stopped moving it. “And did you?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” I tried to sound confident, but I my voice wavered. I was the put together girl. I couldn’t just keep turning into a puddle for some guy. Especially a guy that was always in control.

A laugh escaped through his nose. “Damn, you’re a hard one to crack, Red.” He leaned in, his breath a whisper on my cheek. “But I hope you give me the chance to try.”

 

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“I-I-I’ll try to make it, then. Y-y-you know, if I have nothing else going on.”

He put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it gently. “Good.” He grabbed my phone that was sitting on my desk.

“Hey, what are you doing with that?”

He quickly taped a few keys and then set it back down on my desk. “Putting my number in there, so you don’t have an excuse not to text me when you’re coming over.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. “And now I have your number as well, so I can make sure not to be a again and let another guy occupy your time.”

***

I had absolutely nothing to wear to seduce the sexual God known as John Boy. My sweater collection was pretty impressive, but that didn’t exactly scream sexy. The only half-way sexy outfit I had was my Hermione costume and I couldn’t exactly walk in wearing that. It was also November and the temperature was dipping into the 30’s. There was no way I was walking across campus in a short skirt. After ripping through my closet a million times I finally settled on a long, blue sweater and a pair of black leggings. I really should have worn heels, considering I think John was more than a foot taller than me, but I couldn’t imagine trying to walk in them for very long.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, running my fingers through my hair and puckering my glossed lips. “Melanie Wilder, you are a catch. You’re going to walk in there and you’re not going to mess it up with your awkwardness this time.”

My shoulders slumped. “Or be that weird girl, alone in your apartment, talking to yourself.”

I picked up my purse from the table and shoved my phone inside before walking out the door and into the chilly night air. John messaged me to come over around six, so I basically stared at the clock every single minute that I wasn’t getting ready until it was time. To say I was excited was an understatement, and trying to hide my giddiness was pretty hard because I practically wanted to skip all the way to the Alpha Mu house.

I didn’t know the protocol for entering a fraternity house when there wasn’t a technical party. Did I knock on the front door? Text John? Flash one of the windows so someone would come get me? Luckily, when I got up to the house there was a guy standing outside smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, aren’t you that girl from the coffee shop?” he slurred. Looked like Whiskey Wednesday started early.

“Uh, yeah, I’m Melanie.”

A lazy smile crossed his lips as he took another drag of his cigarette. “That’s cool, you looking to party? We don’t have much going on, but I’m sure we could make room for you.” His pale eyes scanned my body and instantly I felt a gross chill fall over me.

“I’m here to see John Boy,” I practically shouted.

He shook his head, running his fingers through his spiky hair before tossing the butt of his cigarette aside. “Of course you are. They all are.”

He motioned me forward. “Come on, he’s in the common room.” Great. How many other girls were probably there for him? Was I being an idiot trying to go after him? God, I hoped the night wasn’t a waste of a matching bra and panties.

“Okay.” I nodded, following the off-kilter guy who slightly swayed as he walked up the few cement steps to the front door.

Opening the door, I was greeted by a cloud of smoke and the smell of stale alcohol. I scrunched up my nose and I must have been making quite a face because the guy that led me in laughed like a hyena when he looked back at me.

“Obviously you aren’t a regular, sweetheart.”

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, hoping not to let any of the noxious smell into my lungs. “No. I guess not.”

When my eyes adjusted, I saw the large room crammed with guys on every surface, their eyes locked on a big screen TV that sat up against a paneled wall and drinks in their hands. Some of them flicked their gaze in my direction, but then turned right back to the TV. I guess I didn’t qualify for any extra attention. But there was one set of gorgeous blue eyes hidden underneath the brim of a White Sox hat that I wanted to acknowledge me.

I didn’t think he saw me at first, so I just stood in the doorway, shifting from one foot to the other. What if he never looked at me? Maybe I should just leave, this was stupid.

Luckily, it didn’t take too long before a lazy grin spread on his face and he stood up from the couch, sauntering over at a leisurely pace. “Hey, Red, didn’t think you’d show.” He stood over me, and the only thing visible was his smile and the faint hint of stubble on his face. I wanted to lick it, but one, I wasn’t about to do that in front of a room full of guys and two, he was a lot taller than me and I probably couldn’t have reached it, even if I jumped.

“Yeah, heh, I thought I’d make an appearance.” Sweat gathered under my arms and I hoped I didn’t have giant pit stains. I didn’t have the confidence to stand in front of the sexiest guy I’d ever seen and pretend to be nonchalant.

He stayed cool as ever, his lips parting to show a hint of his teeth when he smiled. “Can I get you something to drink? We have...” He turned his shoulders slightly, looking behind him at a white baby grand piano. Why a fraternity house had a piano was beyond me, but it looked like it was in beyond rough shape and was barely recognizable as a piano with all of the different liquor bottles stacked on top of it.

“Whiskey, whiskey, and more whiskey.” He finished his sentence and then looked back at me.

“Hmmm...” I tapped my finger on my lips, hoping that it might appear sexy, but it probably just looked like I had a nervous tic. “I guess I’ll go with the whiskey.”

“Good choice.” He nodded and then turned to the side, cupping his hands over his mouth. “Hey, Short Stack!”

A scrawny kid that wasn’t much taller than me with a full head of black, curly hair hopped up from the couch and ran over to John’s side. “Yes, John Boy?” He blinked his big, brown eyes and stared up at John like he was in awe of him.

John put his big arm around the guy, practically crushing him against his barrel of a chest. “See this girl, here.” He nodded his head in my direction and Short Stack’s eyes met mine for a second before he turned his attention back to John. “This is Red, the Lib’s best friend. She wants a whiskey drink. Can you come up with some sort of girly concoction for her?”

So that’s how I was being introduced? Not even as John’s friend?

Short Stack nodded. “Yes, sir. I can.”

John released his grip on him and patted him on the back before Short Stack skidded over to the piano and fiddled with the different bottles.

“Short Stack?” I raised an eyebrow and John turned his full attention back to me.

“Yeah, his brother was Stack, so when he joined he became Short Stack. The kid is like some science genius and they made him my little brother. It comes in handy when he makes drinks.”

I watched as Short Stack scanned each of the bottles, putting them back in their place or pouring a tiny bit into a red plastic cup. He treated it like it was some sort of experiment or maybe he’d been a bartender.

“But did you need to call on him like a dog?” I asked then covered my mouth. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

John shook his head and smiled before he looped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to his side. “Nah, I’m actually one of the nicer big brothers and I think he likes feeling like he’s wanted. Everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere.”

Short Stack ran back over, part of the drink contents sloshing out of the cup before he came to a halt in front of us, a big smile on his face. “Here’s your drink, Red.”

“Thanks.” I took the drink and put it to my lips, waiting for the burn. Surprisingly the burn never came and it tasted more like orange juice. “Wow, this is really good, Short Stack.” I had to take slow sips, afraid that it was so good I would down it in one gulp and there would be no way that I’d be able to stand, let alone kiss John.

“Good job, Short Stack. What’s in this one?” John slapped him on the back and almost knocked the kid out of his Converse.

“Thanks, dude. I mixed some Jack, orange juice, peach schnapps and a little bit of a lemon vodka. I call it ‘The Red.’”

“Good choice on the name.” John squeezed my side and my whole body felt like it was on fire just from his touch. Or it could have been because I took a few big gulps of my drink.

“Thanks.” Short Stack nodded his big head of hair. “Um, but is it cool if I get back to playing Madden?” He rubbed the back of his neck.

John slapped him on the back again, letting out a deep belly laugh. “Do whatever you want. You don’t need to stand here.”

“Okay. Nice meeting you, Red.” He didn’t even look at me before he turned around and ran back to his spot on the couch.

 

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John shook his head. “He’s a nice kid, but dude has got to get better with the opposite sex.”

Me and him both.

“So, you want to watch the guys play some Madden or go downstairs and play some pool?” He squeezed my side and I looked up to see the hint of his eyes underneath his cap. God he was sexy.

“Um.” My hands shook, fiddling with the straps on my purse before I opened it and pulled out his t-shirt. “I brought this back, so I don’t know if you want to put it up in your room first, so I don’t forget it again.”

An all out grin crossed his face. “Keep it. It looks way better on you.”

“Yeah, but it’s yours.” My hands shook, holding his t-shirt between my fingers. Hopefully he didn’t notice.

He leaned over, his lips vibrating on my earlobe. “I think you’re just looking for an excuse to go to my room. You don’t need one.” His tongue traced my earlobe and my legs turned to jelly.

I couldn’t even form any words. Instead my bottom lip quivered and something that sounded like a whimper came from my lips. His breathy laugh fell on my ear. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He lifted his head, turning me toward the staircase.

Each step was like pushing through wet cement. I was really doing this. I was really about to take the stairs up to John’s bedroom. My phone vibrated in my purse and it stopped John in the middle of the stairwell. “Do you need to get that?”

Dammit. Who would be calling me right now? No one ever called me. I usually got a few texts from Monica and my mom and sister rarely called. It had to be some sort of telemarketer. “No, it’s cool.” I tugged on the soft fabric of his shirt and we continued up the stairs.

When we got to the second floor landing there was a couple making out, practically , but that was it for people. They didn’t even acknowledge us. If only my phone would do the same thing. It started vibrating again the moment we got to John’s door.

“Are you sure you don’t need to get that?” He tilted his head, his hand on the doorknob.

“No, no. It’s fine. It’s probably just some really persistent telemarketer.” A blocking telemarketer.

“That works for me then.”

He opened his bedroom door and turned on the light. It looked the same as it did the night of the party and had the same smell of stale liquor and sweaty socks. Maybe I should have invited him back to my place instead. The smell alone might have killed me, let alone trying to avoid the land mines of dirty clothes and food wrappers he had on the floor. I took another big gulp of my drink; maybe that would make the room smell better and give me the courage to actually go through with hooking up with the hot bad boy.

“Sorry, I should have cleaned up.” He let go of my waist and bent down, picking up stacks of clothes and tossing them into a pile to clear a path.

“No, seriously it’s fine.” I took another big gulp of my drink and inched down to sit on his futon.

“DON’T SIT THERE!” He yelled and I sprang up like my was on fire. I looked back down at the futon and didn’t see anything precious that I could have been sitting on or anything extremely gross.

He dropped the clothes in his hands and then ushered me toward his bed, motioning for me to sit. “You don’t want to know what’s gone on, on that futon. I think Short Stack may have even lost his ity there.”

I wrinkled my nose. Was that supposed to make me feel better that other people were using his futon for sexual things? I wondered how many girls he had on there himself. Though, it did make me feel a little better that maybe he didn’t just think of me as some sexual tryst. Then again, I also hoped that didn’t mean he didn’t want anything to do with touching me.

Surprisingly, his mattress was very soft, like it was memory foam or something and it molded around my body. His sheets and comforter felt like they had been recently washed and were silky smooth underneath my fingertips.

John threw another pile of clothes and fast food wrappers aside before he took my drink and put it on the night stand and then crouched down in front of me. “Sorry for yelling at you. I just thought you might want to sit somewhere more...comfortable.” His fingers ran down the length of my arm until he interlocked them with mine.

I moved my free hand up to his hat, turning the brim around to the back and locking my eyes with his. “No need to apologize.” The alcohol in my system was making me braver and my libido was turning into full overdrive.

He dipped his head down, leaning in closer until I felt the stubble of his chin on my cheek. know how to control myself around you. “A guy should always apologize, even if he’s done nothing wrong. But I’ve done a lot wrong. I shouldn’t have ignored you. I didn’t want this to be a one time thing because you’re too damn hard to stay away from.”

I giggled. Short Stack really made the drink strong. My nervousness already felt like it was melting away. “So are you. Hard to ignore I mean.”

“I’m glad you feel that way.” His breath tickled my jaw line before he ran his tongue along it. “But I’m sorry about your back.”

“What about my back?” I murmured, lost in the trance of where his tongue was going to go next.

He shoved my back against the mattress, pulling my arms above my head before he crawled on top of me, straddling my . “I’m sorry that it might be sore in the morning.”

John leaned over, crushing his lips against mine, not in an apology, but with an urgent fervor. His grip stayed on my wrists, keeping them above my head while his tongue teased mine. I closed my eyes and a soft moan escaped my lips. I wriggled my wrists, wanting to move them along the curves of his body pressed against me.

He moved his lips to my ear, whispering, “I’m sorry, Red, you’re not going to move those hands. Let John Boy do the work.”

His mouth trailed down my jawline, leaving feather light kisses in its wake, until his lips where at my neck. His tongue flicked against my skin, sending a shiver below my belly button. I bucked my up to meet his and could feel the bulge forming underneath his jeans. No more awkward moments this time. He wanted me just as bad as I wanted him.

But then of course my phone had to vibrate, loudly, from where my purse lay beside me. John popped his head up and I opened my eyes slowly. “Red, are you sure you don’t need to get that?”

I shook my head feverishly. “No, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure? It’s been ringing a lot.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer. “I’m positive.”

An all out grin spread across his face and then quickly disappeared into my lips. He tasted like peppermint with a hint of alcohol. He either mouth washed before I got there or was just downing peppermint schnapps. Either way, I wasn’t complaining. His teeth nibbled at my bottom lip before he ran his tongue across it. Each tantalizing move made my body quiver. His lips teased mine, bringing me to the brink of eruption.

Then my phone vibrated again. Dammit. He released the kiss, pulling back like a suction cup. I opened my eyes to be met with his, staring widely at me. “I think you should probably get that.”

He released my wrists and I groaned, turning to the side and pulling my phone out of my purse where it fell beside me. I had quite a few missed calls from a number I didn’t recognize and the same one was calling again. I unlocked my phone and slid it up to my ear. “Hello?” I couldn’t hide the annoyance in my voice.

John sat up, moving his legs until he sat beside me. I slowly leaned up as well, resting my back against the headboard.

“Hello, is this Melanie Wilder?”

“Speaking.”

“This is Dr. Monroe, from Student Health Services. I’m sorry for the late call, but I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for awhile.”

Dr. Monroe? The one that did my exam? Why the hell would she be calling me after hours on a Wednesday?

“It’s all right. Um, did I forget something?”

“No.” Her voice held a tinge of sadness. “This isn’t a call I usually make, but we received your test results and there was some moderate dysplasia that I think we need to look further into.”

“Dysplasia?” I raised my eyebrows, staring down at John’s striped comforter.

“Yes. The lab found some cancerous cells on your cervix. HPV happens to a lot of women your age, and it’s usually mild, but we still think that you should get it checked out with a doctor here in Central. I’m going to send a recommendation to Dr. Rodriguez and you should be able to get an appointment with her this week.”

Cancer? Doctors? My throat seized and my mouth felt like it had completely dried up. “I-I-I Cancer?” I felt tears pricking my eyes, but they wouldn’t come. I wouldn’t let them. John’s hand was on mine as soon as the words escaped my mouth. His other arm was around me, rubbing his fingertips up and down my arm.

 

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“It may just be pre-cancerous, which means it would just be a simple procedure, but I still think you should see Dr. Rodriguez. She has a practice off of East Street. I’ll email all of her information to your student account.”

“Oh-o-okay.” My voice failed me. Everything came out as shaky as my body. I felt like I was going to crumble. The only thing keeping me up was John’s arms.

“Everything is going to be fine, Melanie. Dr. Rodriguez sees these types of things every day and she’ll take good care of you.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. My heart was pounding so loud that I swore it beat out of my chest. People my age just didn’t get cancer. They didn’t get late night phone calls from too friendly doctors that said the news like they were reading their grocery lists. This couldn’t be real.

“Are you going to be all right?” Her voice sounded too cheery. Too nice for the words she was saying.

“Yes.”

“Okay, then. I’ll get this emailed out to you right away and make sure to call Dr. Rodriguez in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Goodbye, Melanie.” Her voice stayed even. Like she didn’t just deliver a death sentence to a nineteen year old girl.

“Bye.”

The phone slipped from my fingertips and on to a pile of John’s clothes. Slowly I turned toward him and saw his blue eyes brimming with concern. “Are you okay?”

“I-I.I...” I felt a single tear fall down my cheek and then another. “I have cancer.”

The tears flowed freely as John let out a deep breath, pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms tight around me. My tears soaked through his t-shirt and I couldn’t stop them. All my energy poured out of me and my breathing came out in short gasps. “Student health called and,” I hiccupped my words. “They want me to go to a specialist, but I don’t have a car to get there and I don’t know who this lady is.” I hiccupped. “And I don’t know what dysplasia is or how the hell I got it. I don’t know what to do.” I cried. I cried until it felt like I didn’t have any breath left in me. I wanted to cry the cancer out of my failing body.

John rubbed my back, kissing the top of my head. “I’m not going to lie to you and say that it’s going to be okay because that’s not what you want to hear.”

I sniffled into his chest.

“But I will say that I’m here for you and I’ll do whatever you need. Do you want me to call Monica to come get you?”

I shook my head, letting out another cry. “No! That’s the last thing I want. I don’t want anybody to know about this.” Including him. Including the guy I just wanted to screw and instead I was slobbering all over him.

“Okay.” He nodded into my hair. “Then I’ll be here for you. I have a car and I can take you to your appointment.”

I shook my head, pulling back to look at him. My running makeup was stinging my eyes and I could barely make out his face. “You don’t have to do that. I’m not a charity case. I’ll take the bus or something.”

John put his hand to my face, wiping away a few tears with his thumb. “I don’t think of you as a charity case. I want to do it. I’m here for you, Melanie.”

I let out a deep breath. “Okay. Just this one time. Then I’ll find my own way there.”

“Okay.” He nodded. His face stayed still as a statue, but his eyes looked like they were on the verge of tears themselves. John pulled me against his chest and hugged me, running his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes, listening to the beat of his heart against my cheek. His beating, healthy heart.

I didn’t know what my next step was. I knew I would need to call my mom and sister and make the appointment. But in that moment I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think about anything, so I just fell asleep in John’s arms because that seemed to be the only thing left to do.

Chapter 7

I woke up in a fog. My mind was a jumbled mess from talking to the doctor and when I opened my eyes, there was a cloud of steam right in my face. That steam came in from an open door where John stood in nothing but a towel.

“Hey, you’re up. How are you feeling?” He took a few steps across the room until he was at the bed and sat down next to me. I tried to focus on his concerned face, but couldn’t help but notice that every time he walked, his towel peeked open, revealing the tiniest hint of his manscaping. I should have been turned on, especially when he smelled so good sitting next to me, but sex was the last thing on my mind. I was damaged goods and he knew it. Who would want a girl that had cancer? I was surprised he didn’t kick me out of his bed right then and there with some lame excuse.

I tried to fluff out my hair and wipe the probably caked on mascara under my eyes as I sat up. It was no use, though. I was a hot mess and knew it without even looking in the mirror. “I’m okay. Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to fall asleep or take over your bed in a blubbery mess.”

He put his hand on mine, his fingers warm as he ran them over my knuckles. But it didn’t send any sort of romantic chill over me like it did the night before and I didn’t think he meant it to. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I think you actually handled it better than I would have.”

I let out a short laugh, even though it wasn’t funny. “Yeah, I’m sure you would have turned into a blubbering mess and fell asleep on someone you barely know.”

He stopped moving his fingers on my knuckles and instead traced the line of my jaw, forcing my eyes to connect with his. They were so blue that I could have gotten lost in them. And I would have loved to get lost anywhere at that moment. “I’d like to get to know you better. We may have just started to hang out, but that doesn’t mean I want it to end. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

I let out a shaky sigh. His voice seemed genuine, but I still couldn’t help thinking he was just doing it because he felt sorry for me. The girl with cancer. Not the girl he wanted to hook up with. “Yeah. Right.”

His fingers continued running along my jaw. “I’m serious. Last night I saw a side of you that was completely different from the girl I’d been seeing in class for a week. The girl that always has her head buried in her notes and never misses a day of work even if she was up late the night before. It broke my heart to see you crumble. All I wanted to do was take the pain away. I wished I could have. I might not be able to, but I’ll do the best I can.”

“Why are you doing this, John? You don’t have to pretend like you care and take care of me. I’m a big girl and can handle myself.”

He leaned in, raising his eyebrows. “Okay. Then you need to call that doctor today so I can bring you over there before classes. I skipped the gym for you this morning, but I can’t do it every day.”

I widened my eyes. I didn’t think he was serious about taking me. I thought it was just a nice gesture. “Um. That’s fine. You don’t have to do that. My mom is only like an hour away and I can just wait until a day she can go with me.”

“Are you sure?”

I wasn’t. Ever since my parents divorced she was always working overtime and there was no way she would ever be able to take me to an appointment. I hadn’t even called her to let her know what was going on. Part of me was afraid to even mention it and the other part wasn’t sure if I would even be able to get in touch with her.

I looked down; the tears pricking my eyes again. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. My life had been turned upside down in less than 24 hours.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I whispered.

John moved over, sliding his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his bare chest. I took a big sniff, inhaling the smell of soap and men’s body wash. I wasn’t going to cry and cover him with any more running makeup. “How about this. I’ll take you home and you work out what you need to and I’ll text you a little later?”

I nodded against him. “Sounds good.”

***

I excused myself to the bathroom while he got dressed. I wasn’t sure if he would drop trou in front of me, but I just needed a little room to breathe. And to see how horrible I looked in the mirror.

All of my makeup had gathered under my eyes, my hair was matted on one side, and I was as pale as a Chicago kid in the winter. Just like I suspected: a hot mess.

When I got back to the room he was dressed in a green hoodie with the letters ‘AM’ stitched on the front and a pair of gym shorts. He looked just as good dressed as he did standing in the towel. “You ready?” He twirled his keys around his finger.

“Yeah. I think so.” I’d managed to scrub the makeup off my face and now just looked like I was sick. Which I guess I was. Cancer. I was a cancer patient. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. The doctor acted like it was nothing. But this wasn’t nothing. People died from the big ‘C’ word. How was I supposed to keep up with school work if I had to...

 

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I followed John down the stairs. A few guys camped out in the common room, their heads down, hair disheveled and faces buried in bowls of cereal. A few nodded in my direction, but most didn’t regard me. They probably thought I was another one of John’s conquests. I wished that’s what I was instead of the broken girl he had to take home after she collapsed on his bed.

Once we got to the parking lot, behind the house, John pressed his keys and a newer, silver Jeep beeped in front of us.

“I can walk home. It’s really no problem. I’m not that far.”

John grabbed my hand and pulled me to the passenger side of the car. “You can, but I can also drive you.” He opened the passenger side door, extended his arm out and ushered me inside.

I didn’t protest and closed my door as he ran around to the other side and hopped in the driver’s seat. Luckily the ride wasn’t too long and I didn’t have to make small talk. That is, until he got to my apartment building. He pulled to a stop at the front, put the car in park, and then looked over at me. “I want you to promise that you’ll call me after you get your appointment.”

“Yeah. I told you that I would.”

He put his fingers to my chin, lifting it up so I was forced to see the seriousness in his bright blue eyes. “I mean it. I want to know that you’re okay and take you to the appointment. If your mom isn’t going and you don’t want me to tell anyone then you have to keep me in the loop on this.”

“Why? John? Why do you care so much? I’m giving you your out. You don’t have to take me anywhere. You can just drop me off and we can pretend this flirtationship never happened.”

He let out a silent breath through his nose. “This may have started out as just flirting, but it got real the minute you cared more about the meaning behind my tattoos than just the body they were inked on.”

I shook my head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Melanie, I’ll admit, I wanted nothing more than to you. I just wanted to take the put-together girl and give her a wild time in my bedroom. I wanted to watch you come undone and hopefully underneath me.”

“Real romantic.”

He put his hand on my leg, his expression growing serious. “Then I started to get to know you. It honestly scared me when we were at your apartment and you acted like you wanted more than to just have your way with me. That’s why I left.”

“So you did just want me for sex?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yes and no. I thought maybe there could be something more, but I couldn’t deny that I still wanted you in the dirtiest ways.” He ran his thumb along the seam of my jeans. “Then I watched you crumble. I never expected you to get that call from the doctor and watching you break made me see a whole other side of you. I want to be your knight in shining armor. To take away the pain. I’ve never felt like this before and whatever we have, I don’t want to lose it. I don’t care if it’s just starting and may be the most ed up thing. I just want to give it a try. So please call me?”

I let out a deep breath, but my shoulders still stayed tense. “Fine. I will.”

“Good.” He leaned over the seat and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Later.” I opened the door and walked like a zombie to my apartment.

***

The clock on my stove said it was 8:30. My mom was at work, but I needed to let her know. If nothing else she should know what kind of bills would appear on her insurance.

I plopped on the couch and pulled out my cell phone, scrolling through my contacts until I got her number. Like I suspected, it went to voicemail.

“Hey, mom, no big deal or anything, but I went to Student Health Services the other day to get an exam and they called to tell me they found cancer cells on my cervix. Looks like I might have cancer. I’m supposed to make an appointment with a doctor in town to follow up, so heh, might get some bills for it. Okay. Bye,” I blurted it all out like word vomit and then hung up, letting the phone fall on the couch beside me.

I couldn’t cry. All my tears already fell on John’s bed. I sat there counting each breath I took. Tons of people had survived cancer. They had walks and stuff for it. It wasn’t a death sentence. But it wasn’t something that happened to nineteen-year-old girls while they were hooking up with guys either. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. And I was going to have to because my mom was calling back.

I picked up the phone and slid it up to my ear. “Hey, mom.”

“What the hell kind of message is that to leave on my voicemail?” she hissed.

“Thanks for being so supportive,” I said with added sarcasm.

She took a deep breath, crackling into the phone. “I’m sorry, baby. I just didn’t expect that to be the voicemail I got. Did you really say cancer?”

I bit my lip, trying not to whimper. “Yeah, Student Health Services called it moderate dysplasia and want me to see a doctor in town.”

“When? Where? What do you need me to do?”

I sighed. “I haven’t called the doctor’s office yet. A friend offered to take me to the appointment if you can’t come in.”

“I’ve exhausted my vacation days, but let me know when the appointment is and I can see what I can do. Do you want me to come now? I’m sure I can explain the situation to my boss and he’ll let me go.”

“No, mom, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll let you know when I get the doctor’s appointment and we can go from there.”

My mom hadn’t been at her job very long and the divorce drained a lot of her money. I couldn’t let her risk losing her job or her overtime pay.

“Okay, baby. I need to go back to work, but call me if you need anything.”

“Okay, mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Bye.”

I hung up the phone, letting out a deep breath. Before I could even set it down a text popped up from John.

Make the appointment yet?

I wasn’t expecting to hear from him that quick. It was still hard to process that he wanted to take me. He said he wanted to see where our relationship went. It could have been some sort of guilt, but then I didn’t know why he would have admitted that he just wanted me for sex in the first place and now was thinking about more.

Not yet. Will let you know when I do.

I went over to my desk, opening up my email. Buried beneath some junk mail was the one from Student Health Services. It seemed so clear-cut the way it was written. Like this wasn’t a big deal, just another diagnosis.

Student Name: Melanie Wilder

Prognosis: Moderate dysplasia

Recommendation: Referral to Dr. Michelle Rodriguez 1010 Franklin Central, IL 309-555-7272

There was her number. Ready for me to call and get it over with. I sucked in a breath, staring at my phone. It was just a phone call. It would take a few minutes and be over, but my fingers froze over the buttons. Making the phone call made it real. Made me have to face the facts.

Yet I couldn’t put it off, so I sucked it up and dialed.

“Obstetrics and Gynecology, press one for the nurse. Press two to schedule or cancel an appointment,” a recorded message droned and I quickly pressed two.

Some jazzy hold music played for a few seconds before an overly cheery woman answered.

“Obstetrics and Gynecology, can you hold, please?”

“Um, sure.”

“Thanks.”

The jazzy hold music played again. This time for a lot longer. It was only a few minutes, but it felt like hours. Just when I was about to hang up the cheery voice answered again.

“Sorry about the wait, how can I help you?”

“Um, my name is Melanie Wilder and Student Health Services referred me to Dr. Rodriguez about moderate dysplasia, so I need to make an appointment.”

I couldn’t say cancer. If I said it out loud I might have started whimpering on the phone. So instead I used the cold word that the doctor had used at Student Health Services.

“Okay. Let me look at her calendar. It looks like we just had a cancellation and can get you in at 12:30 on Friday afternoon. Will that work?” She spoke as if it were no big deal. Like everyone just wanted to talk to someone about cancer every day.

“12:30 will work great.”

“Okay, just bring your updated insurance card and come a bit earlier so we can have you fill out some new patient info. Have a great day.”

A great day? In the past twenty four hours I was told that I had cancer and slobbery cried all over the guy I just wanted to hook up with before he had to drive me home the next morning. There was nothing great about my day. Or my life.

Chapter 8

I texted John about the appointment. I seriously didn’t expect him to show up at my apartment on Friday. And especially not at ten in the morning when my appointment wasn’t until 12:30.

 

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My eyes practically bugged out of their sockets as I stared at John’s eyed grin. He looked gorgeous as always in a tight-fitting Alpha Mu t-shirt, jeans, and a black White Socks cap. “Morning, Red. Good to see you haven’t been losing sleep.”

I was still in my pajamas. I wished I would have known he was coming so I would have put on a better pair than my old high school band shirt and shorts.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping or have class or something?”

He sauntered in my living room, closing the door behind him like it was something he did every day. He plopped a McDonalds bag on my coffee table and handed me a foam cup. “I don’t have classes on Friday and I thought you’d like some breakfast.”

He sat on the couch, rummaging through the bag until he pulled out a wrapped sandwich and a hash brown.

“You don’t have to do this.” I stared at him. Thinking this couldn’t be real. This hot guy was not sitting on my couch and eating McDonalds like it was just a normal day. He felt sorry for me and for some reason thought taking me to appointments and bringing me greasy breakfast was the cure all.

“Do what? Eat breakfast with you? Sure I do. I didn’t buy two breakfast sandwiches for nothing.” He twisted his baseball cap backwards on his head and looked up at me, flashing a brilliant white smile.

I shook my head. “I mean you don’t have to do any of this. I can seriously take the bus to my appointment or maybe even borrow Monica’s car or something.”

I still hadn’t told Monica what was going on. I wanted to. It was just something hard to blurt out. I didn’t know the best way to approach it. The only reason John knew was because he was at the mercy of my emotional breakdown.

He unwrapped one of the sandwiches, pausing with it just inches from his lips. “I’m serious that I can take you. Now eat some breakfast.” He took a big bite of the sandwich and motioned his free hand toward the bag.

I sat on the floor, opposite him with the coffee table in between us. “Do you do this with all the girls you hook up with? Bring them breakfast?”

He swallowed, setting the sandwich down with a big sigh. He moved his baseball cap forward and then backwards again. “Look, Red, you may think I’m doing all this because I have some sort of guilty conscience that you got the call while you were at my house. While that was definitely unexpected, I would have done all this anyway. I like you. You’re a cool girl and I want to be here for you.”

I grabbed the sandwich out of the bag and put it on the table in front of me. “I guess if you’re going to all this trouble, I should at least try and be nice to you.”

“I may be a pain in the , but at least I come with food.”

I swallowed hard. There was something about his no-nonsense attitude that took the words right out of me. “That you do.”

***

After breakfast I was able to get John to leave so I could at least shower and be half way presentable. Even though he had seen me at my worst, I couldn’t just go around the rest of the day in my pajamas and no makeup. I didn’t know what the exact protocol on what to wear to a doctor’s appointment was, especially a lady doctor to talk about cancer, so I just went for comfort and hopefully not to freeze my off since it was dipping into the low 30’s.

Dr. Rodriguez’ office was attached to one of the local hospitals near campus. I could have walked there if I really wanted to, but it was nice to have John drive me since my nerves were starting to get the best of me. Just looking at the looming hospital building made my palms sweat and my knees shake.

John pulled his Jeep through the narrow parking garage until he found a spot, turned off the car, and faced me. I kept my eyes ahead, looking out the windshield at the cars parked on the other side of the garage.

“It’s going to be okay, Red.” He put his hand on mine, running his thumb along the bridge of my knuckles. “These doctors know what they’re doing.”

I sucked in a deep breath through my teeth. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” I slowly turned in his direction. He wasn’t smiling and he wasn’t frowning, but even in the dim light of the parking garage, his eyes shined like the Northern Lights.

“Of course I’m right. Now let’s get this shit over with so we can do something better than hang around a doctor’s office.” John unlocked both our doors and hopped out.

Before I could even unbuckle my seat belt, he had the passenger side door open and was staring at me. He was really getting into the whole ‘knight in shining armor’ thing. “You coming or what? I could take your place, but I’m sure the doctor would have a lot of questions.”

I rolled my eyes, unbuckled my seat belt, and hopped out of the car. How he could be so upbeat about all of this was beyond me. I guess since he wasn’t the one that got the call about having cancer. He didn’t have anything to worry about.

He shut the door behind me and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his warm body. He smelled like he was fresh out of the shower and almost made me forget that I was going to the doctor. Almost.

We walked through a long tunnel that connected the parking garage to the larger hospital and stretched over the street below. People drove their cars underneath it and went about their daily business as usual while I felt like I was taking the longest walk of my life even though Dr.Rodriguez’ door was right at the end.

I stared at the large brown door with a few different doctors’ names written next to it. Behind each of their names were a bunch of letters, and I had no idea what they meant, but hopefully that meant more degrees or that they knew what the hell they were doing.

John finally opened the door for me and I walked in with him close behind. The office didn’t look like the sterile, fluorescent doctor’s office that I was used to. The walls were painted a dark green color with a few sections of maroon stripes running through it. All the furniture was a maroon color, with some real couches facing a TV and a set of bookshelves filled with children’s’ books. On the walls were pictures of pregnant women and some of newborn children all styled like they were oil paintings in gold frames. I might have thought I was in the wrong place if it wasn’t for the table full of pamphlets about menopause and all of the pregnant women sitting around and reading Parents magazine. A few women looked up as we entered. They probably thought I was pregnant with John’s love child and were examining my finger for a ring. If only that were the case.

I slowly took the last few steps until I was at a glass window. A bubbly blonde in a pair of black scrubs sat behind it, staring at a computer. She slid the window open once her bright green eyes flitted to mine. “Hi, how can I help you?” Her voice was sugary sweet, like she hadn’t been dealing with hormonal women all day.

“Hi, I’m Melanie Wilder and I have a 12:30 appointment with Dr. Rodriguez.”

She looked at the computer screen, typing a few keys, before she nodded and picked up a tablet with a big orange case and stylus pen dangling off the side of it by a short string. “Okay Melanie.” She handed me the tablet. “I have you all set. We need you to fill out your information on here and bring it up to the desk when you’re done. If you don’t get it finished before you get called back then you can just hand it to the nurse.”

“Okay, thanks.” I nodded before she closed the window.

John was staring at a magazine rack on the wall. “You’d think they’d have a Sports Illustrated or something.”

“John. This is an OB. It’s mostly women.”

“Dudes come with their women to the OB. Obviously. I’m here with you.”

He followed me to one of the couches where we sat across from a very pregnant woman thumbing through some tabloid magazine. She was pretending not to listen, but her eyes flitted to us instead of the page.

“John,” I whispered. “Do you realize that when you say things like that, people might think we’re here for a different reason?”

“What? Like that you’re carrying my love child?” he said, loud enough that the lady across from us didn’t even pretend that she wasn’t staring.

“John!” I hiss-whispered.

He grinned, putting his baseball cap backwards. “I’m just giving you shit, Red. I have to do something to see that gorgeous smile make an appearance.”

I looked at the tablet in my hands, feeling like my face was about one hundred degrees. The guy had a way of making me blush, even when we were sitting in the middle of the doctor’s office.

He quickly pulled out his phone and was busy tapping on that while I filled out the extremely long health care history form. I didn’t even known the health history of my dad’s family and I wasn’t about to call that train wreck up, so I just guessed on most of it.

A door directly to my left opened. A short nurse in black scrubs stood with her dark hair in a loose ponytail. “Melanie Wilder?”

 

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I stood up a little too quickly, practically jumping. “That’s me.”

“Great. Follow me.” She smiled and swapped her folder from one hand to the other.

“Do you want me to come with?”

I looked over to John. His eyes were wide and I couldn’t read what was behind them. If he actually wanted to come or if he was just being nice.

“If you want your husband to come back with you, that’s fine.” The nurse said, the smile still plastered on her face.

“Oh no he’s not—”

John stopped me before I could finish my sentence. “It’s cool. I’ll wait out here. Let me know how it goes.” He took my hand and squeezed it gently.

I swallowed hard and felt like every girl in the room was staring at me. Which they probably were and wondering how I got to go in ahead of them. I gently squeezed John’s hand back before I followed the nurse into the next room where she shut the door behind us. It wasn’t as much of a room, but more of a corridor. Directly in front of us was a big nurse’s station in which different scrub-clad women sat behind computers. To my left was a scale that sat opposite a bathroom and in front of me was a long hallway, painted the same green as the waiting area with more pictures of pregnant women, and tons of open doors in each direction.

“I can take that tablet from you, if you’re done,” the nurse said and I handed her the orange, clunky tablet.

“If you could just step on the scale here. I’ll get your height and weight and then we’ll go to a room,” the nurse said in an uber perky voice. Why was everyone so cheerful? They were in a place that stared at lady bits all day. No way would I be that happy.

After stepping on the scale and getting measured, (heavier than I thought and shorter, not a great combo) I followed the nurse into one of the many open doors. The walls were maroon and an exam table sat in the middle with a small chair, some magazines, oh yeah—and a nice little replica of a woman’s vagina sat on a shelf directly in front of me. How was I supposed to concentrate on anything when I had a vagina staring at me?

“Okay.” The nurse closed the door and sat on a wheeled stool. I pried my eyes away from the shelf and took a seat on the exam table. “It looks like you’re here with a referral from Central’s Student Health Services because of moderate dysplasia they found on a pap smear?” She didn’t even look up from the folder she was reading.

I shrugged. “That’s what they tell me.”

She closed the folder and looked at me, hard. Her eyes were like two giant brown marbles. “Did the doctor from Student Health Services explain what that means?”

“Um, she just kind of told me that they were cancerous cells and to come see Dr. Rodriguez.”

The nurse gave me a tight-lipped smile. “Well, good to see they educated you on that.” She then pulled a pamphlet out from the rack behind her and handed it to me. It was magenta colored with four different stock photos of women of different ages and races and in big text it read, ‘The link between Cervical Cancer and HPV’.

“Ohhh kay.”

“That should give you some more information about HPV and I’m sure that Dr. Rodriguez will discuss more about it with you. It happens to a lot of women your age. I’m not sure the exact statistic, but I’ve seen so many girls walk in here with the same thing. Most of them do only have mild dysplasia, but I’m sure that Dr. Rodriguez will be able to discuss a plan with you and help you with the next steps.”

I didn’t even look at the nurse as she talked. Instead my eyes flitted to the definition of HPV that was staring at me from the first page of the pamphlet. Human Papilomavirus is the most common sexually transmitted infection. There are more than 40 different strains that specifically affect the genital area, some linked to genital warts and some to cancer of the cervix.

“Do I have an STD?” I asked, my mouth agape, staring at the sheet.

The nurse sighed and I finally looked up at her. “Yes and no. That seems to be the one thing that people point to. It is sexually transmitted, but it doesn’t mean that it will transmit to your partner if that’s what you’re wondering. You can’t pass cervical cancer to him and men don’t get the same symptoms as women, usually.”

I snorted. “That guy in the lobby isn’t my partner He’s just a friend.” A friend that is going to be very happy he didn’t have sex with me since I have a disease.

“Well he must be a very good friend to take you to this appointment.”

“I guess.”

She then went through asking me a few questions like if I’d ever been pregnant, if I was a smoker, and my last period. All standard stuff I guessed at or responded no. For having a sexually transmitted infection, I sure was boring in the sex department.

The nurse opened a drawer behind her and pulled out a flimsy gown and handed it to me. It smelled like stale water and the metallic drawer it came out of. “You can keep your bra on, but please take off your shirt, pants, and underwear.”

“Uh, all right.” This was the second time that a woman I’d just met was about to see my lady parts. Both of them had gotten farther than I had with a guy in almost a year. Which didn’t make much sense since I was the one with the disease.

She offered me another tight-lipped smile and picked up the folder and tablet before she stood up and went to the door. “I’ll let Dr. Rodriguez know that you’re here.”

“Okay.”

***

I undressed quickly, hoping no one would walk in, and then sat back on the exam table, waiting for what seemed like forever. I leafed through some older magazines that sat on the shelf and tried not to stare at the giant vagina model. I had no idea what time it was, so when I finally pulled out my phone I had quite a few missed messages from John.

Hey, Red, just sitting out here and being ogled by preggo ladies. How are you doing in there?

Red? You haven’t been eaten alive have you?

Okay, hopefully you haven’t been killed by one of those creepy instruments and you’ll text me back soon.

I smiled, reading through the texts. Maybe he actually did care. Or maybe he was just creeped out from sitting in the lobby at an OB.

Just waiting on the doctor. Should be out soon.

As I finished the text a knock came at the door and without me answering a short, middle-aged Latina woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun came in. “Hello, Melanie, I’m Dr. Rodriguez.” Her accent was thicker than her chunky sweater that she wore under her white lab coat.

“Hi, Dr. Rodriguez.”

“You were sent from Student Health Services regarding some dysplasia I see.”

“Yep.” The same thing that I just told the nurse. Did they not share notes?

She sat on the wheeled stool. “Did the nurse explain what we are going to do today?”

“Um, no, ma’am. She just gave me some pamphlet on HPV and told me to drop trou.”

Dr. Rodriguez nodded. “Okay, let me explain. We’re going to do a procedure called a colposcopy. I’m going to put your legs in these stirrups and then examine your vulva. After that I’m going to put some acetic acid on your cervix. If any area turns white, I’ll be taking samples for biopsy.” She smiled and pulled a few instruments out of the drawer behind her. “Now, do you have any questions before we get started?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again, willing the tears not to escape. This was a lot to take in. Acid. Biopsies. Sexually transmitted infections. I felt like I had just been hit by a truck and now was expected to learn to walk right after. “Is it going to hurt?” My voice came out shaky.

Dr. Rodriguez put her instruments on a small, metal table near the exam table. “It does burn a little, but I do numb the area before I begin. I’d recommend that you abstain from any sexual activity for a few days after and you may bleed lightly.”

No way I was going to be with anyone anytime soon. I wouldn’t have been surprised if John had already left.

“Okay.”

***

Burning was an understatement and so was the so-called numbing cream. It felt like my lady bits were on fire. I nipped down on my lip, trying not to cry through the entire process, especially when she literally had to cut parts of my cervix for biopsy. By the time it was over I had giant, crescent moon shaped indents in my palms from holding my fists so tight.

I laid back, pretending I was somewhere else until there was a small amount of pressure and then the instruments were out of me. Dr. Rodriguez reached for my hand and helped me to a sitting position. “Okay, Melanie, I’m going to send these samples to the lab and we should have the results back early next week. If you could make an appointment to see me as early as Wednesday, we can discuss the results.”

 

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I nodded, my throat feeling like I lost all moisture.

“Do you have any other questions?”

I had a million, but it felt like my voice was caught in my throat, so I just shook my head. Too much emotion for one day.

She patted my knee and stood. “Everything will be fine, Melanie. I’ll see you next week.”

Chapter 9

At the checkout desk I made an appointment for the following Wednesday. I didn’t even think how I would get there, my mind was on auto pilot and I was trying not to walk like a cowboy, still feeling worse than when I lost my ity.

When I opened the door to the waiting room John jumped out of his seat. “You’re alive!”

A few ladies shot him some evil looks and I ushered him out the door to keep him from saying anything else.

“So? How’d it go? What’d they say? What’s our next step?”

I stopped in the middle of the tunnel and turned to face John. His eyes were wide and he blinked slowly. “Well?”

I let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I was holding in and let my shoulders slump. “She did this thing called a colposcopy.”

“Up your butt?”

An elderly couple glared at John as they walked by us.

I shook my head. Too emotionally drained to even think about rolling my eyes. “No, that’s a colonoscopy. This was a thing in which she took samples of my cervix and sent them to the lab to be looked at. I made an appointment for next Wednesday to discuss the results.”

“Wednesday? Next week?” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

He took a step closer until we were toe-to-toe. “Next week is Hell week for the pledges before initiation. We have a lot of shit going on at the house and you know I have a little brother this year.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I totally understand.” I stared at the dated carpet at my feet. Of course he had other plans. I couldn’t expect him to be my knight in shining armor forever.

He cupped my chin in his hand and forced my eyes to meet his. “But I’m pretty sure I can swing a trip out. Especially for you.” He then kissed my forehead and released my chin before taking my hand and interlacing our fingers. ”Now let’s go back to your place and bake sit and watch Harry Potter.”

“Are you serious?” I raised an eyebrow.

He pulled me forward and I walked with him, hand in hand, through the tunnel to the parking garage.

“Serious as Hell, Red. You’ve been through enough shit today and nothing makes a day better than baked goods and Harry Potter.”

***

John stood over my oven, stirring a melting pot of chocolate. “You have to get it just the right temperature or the whole thing is ruined.”

“Where did you even learn to cook?” I asked, my mouth practically watering over his creation: a caramel cookie dough cheesecake with chocolate topping.

A smile crossed his full lips and made the urge to kiss him even greater. “My dad was actually a Sous chef, and then he moved to Illinois for my mom’s work and ended up getting a union job instead of doing the chef thing. He still loved to cook so instead of doing it as a job he just taught me and my brother and sister the tricks of the trade.”

He stopped stirring and turned off the burner before he lifted the pot and slowly poured it over the cheesecake.

“You have to be one of the most interesting people that I’ve ever met. Why doesn’t everyone see this side of you?” I tried to resist dipping my finger in the hot chocolate.

He furrowed his brow. “What do you mean? That I don’t tell the world I’m a computer programming chef and they just think I’m some dumbass frat boy?”

“I-I-I didn’t say I thought you were that.”

He shook his head, dishing the last of the chocolate onto the cheesecake. “Yeah, but I know you thought it the minute you saw me and that’s why I wanted to prove you wrong. Call me crazy, Red, but I didn’t want you to think that of me.”

John set the pan down and then locked his eyes on mine. “The moment I saw you at the party, I don’t know, something clicked. I’d seen you before at the coffee shop and you always seemed too busy to even notice me as more than a customer. Then I found you out of your element at the Halloween party and had to take my chance. I had to get to know the girl that makes my coffee and takes notes by hand.”

He took my palm and brushed his lips against it. “Now come on. Let’s get the first Harry Potter started while this cools down.”

***

Two pieces of cheesecake and three Harry Potter movies later, I was a slug passed out on my couch. I didn’t even realize that I fell asleep until John moved beneath me. His arm draped over the back of the couch and his feet were propped up on the coffee table. He stretched his arms over his head and let out a big groan, his muscles popping as he moved.

“Sorry for passing out on you. Been a long day. What time is it?” I asked, yawning and glancing at the clock over the stove. “Wow, it’s already ten. Do you need to be somewhere?”

“Nowhere but here and don’t worry about falling asleep. You’ve kind of had a lot going on.” He pulled my feet onto his lap, cradling my heel in his hands and massaging it. A soaring ream of pleasure sailed all the way from the corners of my feet and up to my lips, a low moan escaping them.

“You like that?”

I bit my bottom lip, embarrassed at my reaction, but didn’t want him to stop. I was afraid to say anything for fear that I’d just moan again.

John grinned, his fingers working their magic on my heels and then up to my toes, kneading in between each one. I’d never been much of a foot person or thought that one could get turned on by a foot massage, but oh my God did his hands feel good. I closed my eyes and sank deeper into the couch, trying not to collapse into a pile of goo all over him. No matter where his hands touched it had a direct line between my legs.

“Do you want to get that?” John stopped his rubbing.

“What?” My eyes popped open and John motioned to the coffee table.

I didn’t even hear my phone and when I looked over, my sister’s big, blonde face smiled back at me. My mom must have told her what was going on. I really should have called her. Shit.

“Yeah. I guess I should.” I slid my feet down to the ground and unlocked my phone, sliding it to my ear. “Hey,Val.”

“My baby sister has to go to the doctor for cancer and I have to find out from our eccentric mother? Way to break it to a girl.”

My sister and I didn’t talk too much on the phone. We texted each other a few times a week, but only about which celebrity was sleeping with who. Valerie moved to Chicago after she graduated college to live out her fantasy of being the curvy Carrie Bradshaw. That was around the same time as Mom and Dad’s divorce so she left me at home with Mom for the summer while she went off on shopping sprees on Michigan Ave or whatever else she did for her PR job.

“Sorry, dude, I should have texted you.” I glanced up and saw John staring at me with his eyebrows raised. “My sister,” I mouthed. He nodded.

“Well, how do you think I feel when mom calls me crying that her baby is going to the doctor for cancer? It’s crazy! Are you okay, though? Are you going to have chemo? Is it cancer? Do I need to rally and wear pink?”

“No. I went to Student Health Services for an exam and they found cancer cells on my cervix. The doctor said that it happens to a lot of women. They did a biopsy today and I go back on Wednesday to talk to her about the results.”

The fewer words the better. The reason I usually texted Valerie was because she liked to hear herself talk, a lot. I didn’t want John to sit and listen to me talk to my loud-mouthed sister.

“You’d better call me when you get them. I don’t want to have to hear it from Mom and whatever way she finds to overdramatize it.” She let out a crackling breath that was like static on the phone. “But seriously are you okay, do you need me to come in town this weekend?”

“No, it’s fine. I have a friend over now and he was able to take me to the doctor and hang out with me while I complain about everything.”

“He? A boy, Melanie?”

Shit. I shouldn’t have said anything about him.

“Um, yeah, my friend John.”

I guess he was considered a friend. I didn’t really know what else to call him. I glanced in his direction and saw that his eyes may have been facing the TV, but the smile on his face told me that he was listening to the conversation.

“Girls aren’t just friends with boys unless they’re gay. At least us Wilder girls aren’t. Do you have a new boyfriend that you’ve been keeping from me as well? Oh my God! I don’t get a text in a few days and now you have lady part cancer and a boyfriend!”

 

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“Valerie! He’s not my boyfriend!” I screeched and then realized that John did hear everything and his eyes shifted from the TV to me.

“Sorry,” I mouthed to him again.

“Want me to talk to her?” His voice was low and sultry.

“Was that him talking? Oh God he sounds hot. Is he hot?” Valerie asked.

I rolled my eyes and pushed the phone receiver away from my mouth. “John, my sister wants to know if you’re hot, and no you may not talk to her.”

Before I could move or protest, John grabbed the phone from my hand and stood, putting the phone to his ear. “Hey, Valerie.”

“John!” I squealed and jumped up, but he had a lot of height on me and was quicker, turning the other way so that I couldn’t grab the phone.

“Yeah, really? That’s funny. I’ll have to let her know.” He glanced back at me, but ducked out of the way as I lunged for the phone again.

I couldn’t hear what Valerie was saying, but I could hear her giggle loud and clear through the phone. Just what I needed. Then my mom would know about him and whatever he was and I didn’t want to deal with all of that. I had enough explaining to do with the cancer stuff. I didn’t want to explain whatever my weird relationship was with the hottest guy I’d ever seen.

“Okay, Val, I’ll have Melanie call you back tomorrow. Bye.” He hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch and turned back to me.

“Why did you do that?”

He shrugged but had a mischievous grin on his lips. “You said she wanted to know if I was hot, so I thought I should talk to her.”

“You are seriously in so much trouble.”

“Yeah?” He took a step closer, wrapping his arms around my waist. “And what are you going to do about it? Nag me to death?”

I gasped. “I’m not a nagger! Am I? Please don’t tell me that I am.”

He kissed my forehead. “You worry too much about what everyone else thinks of you.”

I wrinkled my nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

John let go of my waist and took a step back. “It means that I like you for you and you should like you for you. And that I need to get going before I wear out my welcome and you’re sick of me.”

I blinked, not sure what to think of what he said. He liked me? Like like? I know he kind of insinuated in the car, but I thought he was just being nice. Now I really felt my face flush. “You don’t have to leave.”

“I wish I didn’t have to, but I do. So instead I’m just going to see you tomorrow when you come by the house for the stoplight party.”

“Stoplight party?” This guy knew how to change the subject and keep me guessing at everything he had to say.

“Yeah, it’s a theme where you wear red if you’re taken, yellow if it’s complicated, and green if you’re down to .”

“And what color will you be wearing?” I asked. God, what a stupid question. Could I make things any more awkward?

He grinned, blowing some air out of his nose like a silent laugh. “I usually wear black. Keeps them guessing.”

“Okay, then maybe I’ll show up tomorrow and maybe I’ll wear white. You know, to keep people guessing as well.”

He leaned over and placed a quick kiss on my cheek. I didn’t want quick. I didn’t want chaste. No matter how bad my lady bits still hurt and how broken my body felt, I was still a girl and I still wanted that feeling I had when he was giving me a massage.

“I hope you do, Red. I hope you do.”

Chapter 10

What to wear? What to wear? I stared at my closet, like magically the perfect outfit would pop out and hit me.

Ugh! Why did I say I’d wear white? I thought it would seem cool and mysterious, but really there was nothing cool and mysterious about me. John already knew more about me from the past few days than a lot of people. I also had two women see more of me than any guy had in a year. Yet I knew nothing about John or the doctors.

Sure, he may have told me that his dad was a chef and would give me hints of things, like his tattoos, but the hot guy was still as much of a mystery to me as ever.

Finally, after combing through my closet forever, I put on a plain white tank top, jean skirt, and some black leggings. It was too cold to wear just the skirt and I didn’t want to be one of those girls that crawled across campus half . I didn’t know how I didn’t hear of more girls getting hypothermia after the weekend, but to each their own.

By the time I arrived, the Alpha Mu house was in full party mode. Two guys were camped out at the front door, wearing green Alpha Mu shirts. A line of people waited to be let in as if it was some sort of exclusive club.

The November weather was getting worse and I pulled my coat tightly around me. The two girls in front of me were wearing short, sparkly green dresses and barely even shivering. Instead they bounced around, giggling. The blonde one turned toward me and I recognized her as Betsy, the hickey queen who worked at Brewster’s.

“Oh Em Gee, Melanie! What are you doing here? I didn’t think you partied at the Alpha Mu house.”

“Yeah. I mean, no. I don’t usually party here. A friend invited me.” I tried to keep my voice even, but the temperature had seriously dropped and I was trying not to shiver. What the Hell were those guys doing at the door that was taking so long?

“Ohhh a friend?” She batted her goopy eyelashes and then glanced at her friend before looking back at me. “Who is it? I know a lot of guys in the house.”

“It’s no one important.” I tried to remain calm and saw that we were almost to the door. It was probably a bad idea to come alone. I should have begged Monica to come with or someone from one of my classes. Or maybe just not come at all.

“I hope he doesn’t hear you say that if you are hoping to get some later.” She cackled. Yes. That’s what it sounded like. A witch cackle.

“Next!” The taller of the guys at the door called. Saved by the yell.

Betsy whipped around, her blonde hair pelting me in the face. “Gabey Wabey!” Her and her friend pranced over to the door and she threw her arms around the guy. He barely looked at her and didn’t even hug her back. Instead he looked directly at me.

Hey, brunette, do I know you?

Betsy jumped from the guy’s arms and looked back at me, ing one of her way-too-thin eyebrows. “Are you talking about Melanie? She’s my boss at Brewster’s. You’ve probably seen her in there when you’ve gotten your hangover donuts.”

I noticed the other guy at the door was checking Betsy’s friend’s ID. Weird. That must have been what the holdup was.

He shook his head, rubbing his goatee. No, that’s not it. He stopped rubbing and it was like a light bulb went off above his head. “You were here the other night with John Boy. I remember he drove you home the next morning.”

Betsy blinked, hard. You hooked up with John Boy and he gave you a ride home?

“It wasn’t exactly hooking up....”

“You little slut! You should have told me sooner! Betsy squealed.

“Hey, Blondie, quit yapping and just do the Alpha Mu shuffle so we can stop freezing our es off!” some guy yelled from the back of the line.

“The what?” I asked, eager to change the subject.

Betsy handed over her ID and then slightly lifted up the hem of her dress, spinning around in front of Gabe, who barely gave her a second look and kept his eyes on me as he spoke. “We check to make sure you have a student ID and then have you show your waistband so we can see that you aren’t trying to bring a gun or anything into the house.”

Oh, that makes sense. I pulled my student ID out of my pocket. It was attached to my Central College lanyard that also had my keys. It was actually a smart idea. No guns and that probably meant no undercover cops.

“Waistband?” he asked.

I shivered, reluctant to show any part of my body. Not just because it was freezing out, but I didn’t exactly have the flattest stomach in the world and for some reason it felt like if I showed it, that would somehow also show my damagedness. Like my cancer would just show on my body. It was stupid, I knew, but that’s how I felt.

“Oh-oh-okay.” I lifted up my coat ever so slightly so only the waistband of my skirt showed and not any other part of my body. Then I did a little spin.

“Okay, boss lady, you’re free to go.” Gabe ushered me inside behind the bubbly Betsy and her friend.

The common room was packed with people, shoulder-to-shoulder as music blared from some unknown source. The minute I entered the room the heat radiating off everyone surrounded me and I felt like I had to gasp for air. Most everyone was in green and using that as an excuse to grope the person next to them. I was glad I didn’t wear green. Even though I wasn’t sure what color I would have worn if I didn’t tell John I was wearing white. Were we together? Was I supposed to wear red? I guess I could have worn my yellow band shirt from high school that I embarrassingly still kept around even though it was stained beyond belief.

 

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I already lost Betsy in the sea of people, which was fine with me. I didn’t exactly want to hang out with her or have to answer any more questions about me and John. Questions that I didn’t have the answer to.

“Hey, Red!” I spun around, hoping to see John in the crowd, but instead it was his little brother, Short Stack. He had a big grin on his face and was wearing an oversized green tuxedo t-shirt and white baseball cap backwards over his curly mop of hair.

“Hey, Short Stack. Nice shirt.”

He laughed. “Yeah, it’s John Boy’s. I didn’t have anything green, so he said I could wear this.”

“Speaking of John, have you seen him? I just got here, but I don’t see him anywhere.” I tried to appear cool about it, but really I was afraid that I wouldn’t actually find him and would just get felt up by some random dude. Well, if he could feel me up over the giant coat that I was sweating in.

Short Stack put his hand on his chin as if he was deep in thought. “Not lately. Last time I saw him he was upstairs. I could take you up there to find him, if you want.”

“I think I can handle going up the stairs myself.” I went to turn away, but then Short Stack grabbed my arm.

“Actually, you can’t. Not without an Alpha Mu escort. The upstairs is off limits.”

I raised an eyebrow. “But I was up there the other night?”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t a real party, just a kick back. Besides, you were with John Boy. Now come on. I don’t have all day.” He pulled me forward and reluctantly I pushed through the crowd with him until we were at the stairs.

Another guy sat at the bottom of the staircase, with a coffee table blocking it. He didn’t smile when he saw us and kicked his combat boots up on the table, running a hand through his overly gelled hair. “Can I help you?”

Short Stack smiled. “Hey, Deuce, me and Melanie just want to go upstairs and look for John Boy, have you seen him?”

Deuce smirked. “You all planning on a threesome?”

Short Stack snorted. “No! Definitely not! Melanie is looking for him, so I thought I’d help her out.”

Deuce shook his head, moving the coffee table for us to get past. “Yeah, a lot of girls go looking for John Boy.”

I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I tried to put it in the back of my mind and followed Short Stack up the stairs. The second floor was basically empty. A guy and a girl were in one corner whispering with his hands trailing everywhere on her body. I turned away, trying not to stare.

Short Stack turned and pounded on John’s door. “Hey John Boy! Open up!”

No answer.

He pounded again.

“Maybe he’s not in there,” I said, getting more uncomfortable the louder I heard the couple moaning behind me.

Short Stack put his ear up to the door. “No, he has to be. I hear music coming from inside.” He moved his head back and pounded his fist on the door. “If you don’t open up, I’m coming in.”

No answer, again.

“Looks like we’re going in, Red.”

Short Stack pushed open the door and I gasped when I saw what was inside. John was sitting on his desk chair, his legs spread open as a leggy brunette in a green dress moved her lithe body up and down between his legs, tossing her hair back and forth to the music. At first I thought they were going at it, then I saw that John’s clothes were still on and she was dancing. John was getting a freaking lap dance.

“What the hell, John Boy?” Short Stack yelled.

The girl didn’t even stop her grinding, but John pushed her to the side, peering over her to look at Short Stack. “Knock much?” Then his blue eyes widened when he saw me standing next to him. “Melanie?”

I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. I had to get out of there. I turned and bolted for the door.

“Melanie, wait!” John yelled after me, but I couldn’t look back at him. I didn’t want to know what excuse he had. He never referred to me as his girlfriend or even his date, but I thought we had something. Maybe I was wrong.

I ran down the stairs and pushed past the coffee table, but got stuck by a group of girls waiting in line for the bathroom.

“Gawd, can you believe that coffee chick is going after John Boy?” One girl wearing a bright green halter top said to her friend.

“Yeah, I heard she stayed here the other night. Is she a charity case or something? I saw the way she was dressed. Maybe it’s part of their philanthropy,” the friend said and they both giggled.

That was it. Enough was enough. I cleared my throat and the two girls turned toward me, the smiles disappearing from their faces, replaced with looks of disgust. I wanted to say something. To set them straight, but instead I just pushed through them and made my way to the door.

The November night air was a welcome greeting and I took in a deep breath before I pulled my phone out of my pocket, typing in the first number I could think of.

“Hey Monica, are you busy?”

***

Monica had practically moved into Trey’s apartment, so I knew she would be there, even before she told me that’s where she was. It was a few blocks from the Alpha Mu house, but it felt like the longest walk of my life.

Monica and Trey lived in The Pines luxury apartments. They were supposed to be luxury, but I always saw peeling paint in their rooms and the hallways were cement that made it easier to hear loud, drunken people running down the halls. Which was what a guy was doing at that moment. Luckily he didn’t bother me and was too busy running and singing some random Madonna song. College. All the weirdoes came out.

I finally got to Trey’s door and only had to knock once before Monica answered, wearing an over sized t-shirt and a pair of shorts. “Melanie! What the hell happened?”

My eyes grazed over her outfit. “Am I interrupting something? I can come back.”

She shook her head and pulled me into the apartment, closing the door behind us. “No, me and Trey were just catching up on the DVR.”

I’d only been in Trey’s apartment once and it was the same layout as everyone else’s in the building, but his was professionally decorated. The old couch and chair were replaced by a plush, leather sofa on the back wall with a large picture of the Chicago skyline hanging over it. A matching love seat sat adjacent to it, and instead of the bulky big screen TV, a flat screen was mounted on the wall with small speakers on either side. Maroon curtains were drawn over the patio doors, and the room was lit by a few lamps on some dark wood end tables on each side of the couch.

I didn’t see Trey anywhere. I guessed he was probably in his bedroom, giving us some privacy or something.

Monica sat on the couch. “Okay, sit and spill. You don’t just call a girl at eleven o’clock and say you need someone to talk to without it being something big.”

I sat down, the leather sofa molding around my body like butter. It was way more comfortable than the thing Monica had to sit on in her apartment. Even more comfortable than my Craigslist couch. I should have gotten the name of Trey’s decorator.

“Okay, so I was stupid and went to a party at the Alpha Mu house, because John invited me.”

Monica rolled her eyes. “Ugh, the stoplight party?”

“Yeah. That one.”

She raised an eyebrow. And did he wear green?

“No.” I sighed. “He said he was going to wear black, so I made this stupid comment that I would wear white, but that’s not the point of the story.”

“Okay, sorry. I’ll stop interrupting.” She blinked hard and stared at me.

I glanced down at my fingers, unsure if I could actually look at her when I told her what happened. She warned me that he was a manwhore. I should have listened to her. Even when she said it was fine to date him, she probably didn’t mean it. She wasn’t being a bitch. She knew this would happen. “So, I went to the party, like I said and his little brother—“

“Short Stack?” Monica interrupted.

I looked up at her and she held up her hands. “Sorry, I know interrupting.”

“Yes. Short Stack. He took me upstairs to find John.” I let out a deep breath and recounted the rest of it very quickly, everything from hearing the music, to the brunette, and running out of the house with John yelling after me.

When I was done Monica stared at me with her eyes wide. “That little prick. I can’t believe he would do that to you.”

“Obviously some people didn’t believe he should be with me.”

Monica shook her head. “Look, what I said about you and him before, it was because I didn’t want you to get hurt. Not because I didn’t think you were good enough for him.”

“No, not you.” I picked at the skin under my fingernails for something to do with my hands. “Some girls at the party didn’t know I was there and were talking about me. Saying that they didn’t know what a guy like John was doing with me and making fun of the way I dress and such.”

 

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Monica furrowed her eyebrows. “Who were these girls?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Just some random party girls that were waiting in line for the bathroom.”

Monica put her hands on mine, stopping my fingers from moving. “Then why does it matter what they think? They’re nobody.”

She was right, of course. It shouldn’t matter what some random girls that I didn’t know thought of me. Yet I did care and I cared even more that some random girl was giving John a lap dance.

“It’s just...I thought we had something.”

Monica rubbed her arms up and down her legs. “Seriously, every time I’ve seen John Boy he has been with a different girl. He’s not the settling down type. You don’t need someone like that in your life if he’s just going to bring you down.”

“But I do need him.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Why? Why would you need a guy? Unless you went to Student Health Services and you already know that you’re carrying a little John Boy bun in your oven.”

I felt the tears prick my eyes. It was now or never that I had to be honest with Monica. “No, that’s the problem. I did go to Student Health Services to get an exam.” I looked her right in the eye, my vision blurring with tears. “They found cancer cells on my cervix. I was at John’s when I got the call.”

Monica gasped, putting her hands over her mouth. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! When did you find out?” She put her hands down.

“Student Health Services called and told me on Wednesday. I had to go to a doctor here in town yesterday to get a biopsy done and John took me. Then afterwards we watched Harry Potter and he made me cheesecake.”

Monica shook her head. “I don’t know what part of that statement confuses me more. That he took you to the doctor or that he baked for you.”

I sniffled. “Yeah, that’s what confused me too. I thought we had something. But now I’m afraid he just did all of that because he felt sorry for me. Not because he wanted to be with me.”

“Come here.” Monica held out her arms and I let my body collapse into them. I was tired of crying, but I buried my head in her shoulder and hugged her back. I needed the comfort. I needed to finally let all of the feelings inside of me come to the surface.

Chapter 11

It felt good to finally tell Monica what was going on. She said that she would take me to my follow up appointment, so I wouldn’t have to walk there in the cold, November weather. Or beg John.

Since I wasn’t working until later the next day and I didn’t want to look through my texts or get online just to have John message me, I finally decided to look through the pamphlet that the nurse gave me.

“Human Papilomavirus,” I said out loud. The pamphlet was maroon with pictures of women of different ages and races, all smiling. Like it was something to be happy about. I flipped open the first page. “What is HPV, got that. How do people get it? Passed through sex. Anal, vaginal, oral, or any genital contact. Early on, cervical cancer may not cause signs and symptoms. A person can still have HPV even if it’s been years since they have ual contact.”

Huh. I’d only with exactly one person in my life and gotten past the rest of the bases a few times. Could I have gotten it from my high school boyfriend? He did cheat on me when he went to college, but I wondered if there were other girls. I didn’t think that would give me a disease. I didn’t always use condoms with Robby. Especially not with oral. I shuddered at the thought. I was so upset about John being a manwhore and I was the one with the disease. I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world.

My phone was sitting next to me on the couch. There were a few missed text messages from Monica and one from John that I didn’t have the heart to open. But there was something else on my phone. Robby, my high school boyfriend’s, number was still in it. I didn’t know why I kept it. We broke up over a year ago. We weren’t even Facebook friends anymore. But for some reason, I felt the strongest urge to talk to him. Before I could chicken out, I dialed his number.

“Hey, this is Rob. What up?”

Rob? No one ever called him Rob. He had been Robby since kindergarten.

“Um, hey, ROBBY, this is Melanie. Melanie Wilder.”

“Mells Bells? Haven’t heard from you in awhile. What’s going on?” He said it casually as if it was just a normal day. Like the last time I saw him wasn’t when a pretty redhead was going down on him in his dorm room. Would I head down the same path if I stayed with John? Tears threatened my eyes as I thought about how mortified I was to see the guy I was with forever cheating on me. It felt just as bad to see John with another girl. Not saying I was in love with John, but it hurt to think someone was willing to give up his manwhorish ways, be there for me, and then he wasn’t.

“Nothing too big. You know, working, classes, cancer.” I said the whole thing as if it were nothing. Like I would just tell my former boyfriend about cancer any day. I didn’t know why it came out like that, but it did. Like word vomit.

“What the hell, Mel? Did you just say cancer?” His voice slightly squeaked, like it used to do when he was nervous.

“Yeah. Cervical Cancer. HPV to be exact. Have you heard of it?”

“Aw, shit you have AIDS? Who the hell did you get with after me?” His voice now took on an accusatory tone.

I groaned. “No, idiot. Not AIDS. It’s human papilomavirus. It’s a sexually transmitted infection that can cause cancer in women. And I’ve only been with you. I’m wondering if you can actually say the same thing.”

He let out a nervous laugh. “I haven’t been with any dudes.”

“I’m serious, Robby. Look, I’m over you. I’m not worried who you’re with now. I just want to know, how many other girls were you with when you were supposed to be with me?”

“Geez, Mel, do we need to talk about this right now?”

“Yes, Robby or Rob or whatever the hell you want to be called now. We do need to talk about this. Just tell me the truth. For once.”

He sighed. I knew he was probably running his hands over his face like he used to always do whenever he had to get something off of his chest. “I don’t know. A few.”

“How many is a few?”

“I don’t know. There was the time you caught me. Um, some girl at orientation. Another girl I met in the laundry room. Oh, and that girl from my Physics class.”

“Okay, that’s enough. I don’t want to hear anymore.”

Turns out the guy got around more than I thought. The guy who I gave my heart to my sophomore year of high school and my ity in the back of his truck. Now that all ended with me going to see a doctor. This was not what I had in mind for my future or what I thought would happen because of his cheating.

“Well, you did ask.”

I groaned. “Yes. I know. I should have known that was the answer.”

“Hey.” His voice took on a tone of actual concern. “Are you all right? Like are you dying?”

“No, Robby, you don’t have to worry about that. As far as I know everything is okay. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday to get my results of a biopsy.”

“Let me know what happens, Mells, okay? We may not be together anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

Sure he still cared about me. Cared enough to cheat and not talk to me for over a year. But I wasn’t about to say that to him. I just wanted to get him off of the phone. This was starting to get all too familiar. First Robby, now John. Both guys who said they cared about me and both guys who let me down. “Okay, Robby. Talk to you later.”

“Later, Mells. Keep in touch.”

I hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch. I was half tempted to actually read my missed text message from John, but I didn’t want to feel worse than I already did. I felt completely broken. Like everything about my life was shattering into a million little pieces. The supposed love of my high school life had cheated on me multiple times and was probably the reason I had cancer. And the other guy, the one who I thought could be my future, was getting lap dances from random girls at parties.

Just as I was ready to get out the ice cream I had stashed in my freezer for my own pity party, a knock came at my door. I got up from the couch and walked to it, looking out the peep hole. Staring back at me was John’s smiling face. He had some nerve.

“What do you want?” I yelled.

“I came here to talk to you. You won’t answer my calls, texts, or messages, so I thought maybe showing up here would be the better option.”

“Are you sure you want to come in?” I smirked, even though I knew he couldn’t see it. “I may be giving a lap dance to some random guy.”

He groaned. “Come on, Red. Just let me in so I can explain.”

 

The Only One
The Only One Page 19



“Why should I?”

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to sing Rhianna songs really loudly until your neighbors call the cops for a noise complaint.”

“You wouldn’t.” Would he? Would my neighbors call?

“I want you to stayyyyyyyyy,” he yelled in a very off key tone.

“I’m not impressed.”

But that didn’t stop him. He kept singing and surprisingly knew all of the words. By the time he got around to the chorus again, I threw the door open. Better to deal with him face-to-face than possibly have the cops show up.

“What do you want?” I stared at him, hard. I was furious, but of course I had to hold back my smile because he was looking pitiful and gorgeous. His mouth still open as he stopped singing. Instead of wearing a hat, his hair was gelled in choppy spikes and he was clean shaven. Like he went out of his way to look good for me. He looked mouth watering in a gray, fleece coat and faded jeans with his Pumas.

No. I couldn’t think about how good he looked. That’s how I fell for him in the first place. I just kept the scowl on my face.

“I came here to see you, and to apologize.” He walked in, even though I didn’t ask him to. I shut the door behind him anyway and stood with my hands folded across my chest.

I wished I would’ve dressed up. Maybe showed him what he was missing. Instead I was still in my pajamas and no makeup.

“Go on.”

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t know that you would just show up like that.”

“So that makes it okay that some random chick was giving you a lap dance in your bedroom?” I raised an eyebrow.

“No. No. I didn’t say that. It’s just, ugh.” He ran his hands down the length of his face and then shook his head. “I don’t know what to say, Red. I didn’t ask Missy to do that. I was in my room with a couple of the other guys and she just showed up. Then she turned on some music and started dancing. Before I knew it, the other guys left and it was just her grinding up on me.”

“Yeah, nice excuse, but that doesn’t mean you told her to stop.” I held up my hands. “Whatever. It’s not like we’re together or anything. I don’t even know what the hell we are.”

He plopped down on the couch. “Neither do I, Red. I don’t do relationships. I haven’t dated a girl since junior year of high school. Ever since then it’s just been random flings.”

“And is that what we are? A random fling? Or are we friends? Maybe I’m just part of your valiant knight fantasy and you want to save me? Please explain it to me, because I have no idea what the hell is going on.”

He looked up at me, his gaze meeting mine and I had to keep from getting weak in the knees. His smoldering stare got me every time. “What do you want us to be?”

I let out a deep breath and sat down next to him. “I don’t know, either. I don’t think with everything that’s going on I should be getting into something serious. I wasn’t expecting to get a call about cancer the night that I went to your place. I wasn’t expecting us to become friends or make out buddies or whatever this is. But it sort of just happened.”

“I didn’t expect any of this either. Somehow I knew that if I started something with you, there was no way I could stop. Not just because you’re my little brother’s girlfriend’s best friend.” He put his hand on mine and I let him keep it there.

I sighed. “So what are we, then? I’m not ready for anything serious right now with everything else that’s going on.” It was the truth. I couldn’t handle dating anyone when I always felt like my body was broken. The last serious boyfriend I had cheated on me and got me into this cancer mess. I didn’t want to head down the same path again with John. How could I trust that it wouldn’t happen with someone like him?

“Friends? At least for now?” He looked at me with pleading in his eyes.

“Friends.” I nodded. “That sounds good.”

He laced our fingers together. “You have no idea how happy this makes me that you just didn’t kick me out on my .”

I laughed. “I actually don’t think I could kick you out. You kind of have the body of an MMA fighter, so I’m sure you could take me.”

“I prefer professional wrestler.”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, professional wrestler.”

He stood, letting go of my hand. “So does this mean that this professional wrestler should still be here Wednesday to take you to the doctor?”

“No, Monica’s taking me.” I stood up next to him.

“Monica? You finally told her?”

“Yeah. It was about time.”

A small smile crossed his lips. “That explains why Trey was so persistent on me talking to you. Not that I wouldn’t have anyway, but the dude can convince me to do anything that I’m on the fence about. He’s seriously a politician-in-training.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty convincing.” My shoulders fell. So this wasn’t all John’s doing. He had other influences.

John lifted my chin, forcing our eyes to meet. “Trey may have talked me into it, but I would have found a way to get you back. I sent those messages on my own. He was just the one that told me I should come here. He said face-to-face is better than any technology. And seeing your face does make it all worthwhile.”

I swallowed. Why did he have to say things like that? How was I supposed to just be friends with a guy that made me forget about cancer and feel whole again?

I stepped back. “Well, I’m glad we talked, but I really need to get ready for work.”

He dropped his hands and shoved them in his pockets, looking defeated. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you around then?”

“Yep. See you around.”

Chapter 12

I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the doctor’s appointment. The week moved in slow motion. I spent every minute that I wasn’t in class or working Googling cervical cancer treatments. I wondered what the doctor would have me do. I never really thought too much about my future with marriage and kids, but seeing that one of the treatments was a full removal of my uterus, cervix, and ovaries started to make me really think about it.

“Are you nervous?” Monica looked at me out of the corner of her eye as we pulled out of the parking garage of her apartment building.

“I think nervous is an understatement.” I let out a tense laugh.

“You’re braver than I could ever be.” She put her hand on mine. “I’m glad you finally were able to share this with me. That you’re letting me be here for you during this, just like you were there for me when I needed it the most.”

Monica was raped at her last college and that was why she transferred. Trey was the one who finally got her to report the guy, but I was the one who encouraged her to go back to counseling. She’d been going to group counseling for the past month and I think that, combined with meeting Trey, helped her to finally move on. I’d always be there for her and I shouldn’t have doubted that she would be there when I needed her the most.

“Thanks, Mon. It means a lot to me.” I squeezed her hand.

“You know John Boy talked to Trey. He said that he really wanted to be here with you today.”

I tilted my head. “Well, that’s fine for him to say that, but he doesn’t need to keep feeling sorry for me. I gave him his out. He should just take it and run.”

Monica sighed. “I think he does actually like you, Mel.”

“Then why the hell would he get a lap dance from another girl? Why didn’t he tell me that he wanted to be more than friends when he came to my apartment?” I spat each word like it was venom, harsher than I intended. I guess I had been keeping my thoughts bottled up for so long that they came out pretty badly.

Monica winced before she responded. “I don’t know. I don’t understand how boys think. If I knew that I’d be a millionaire. I just know that he wouldn’t just take any girl to a doctor’s appointment and you’re the first girl that Trey has seen John Boy actually have a friendship with. Not just bang.”

I huffed. “Yeah. Friendship. Because who would want the cancer girl.”

“Will you cut that shit out?”

I looked at Monica full-on. Her jaw was clenched and she gripped the steering wheel. I wasn’t expecting her to lose her cool, but she got my attention.

“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Thinking that this makes you somehow less of a person. You’re still the same girl you always were. It’s not like your appearance suddenly changed and you look like a witch or a leper or something.”

“But what if I have changed? What if the cancer is so bad that I have to have chemotherapy? I’ll wear scarves on my head and need you to wheel me to class because I’ll be too tired to walk myself. And who the hell would want to have sex with the cancer girl? I’ll be alone forever.”