Click here for Find new friends to hang out with Sometimes things go off without a hitch. You gel with everyone right away and are welcomed into the fold. When things don't work out so well what often happens is everyone chats among themselves and you're left standing on the sidelines. Most of the time the group isn't purposely trying to be mean and exclusionary. They just know and gravitate to each other. They may be a bit lazy and see getting to know someone new as work, when they could easily hang out with their buddies instead. Some of the members may be a bit shy too, and feel a bit inhibited about engaging someone unfamiliar. On occasion you may do something to make a poor impression as well. Below is some advice on handling these situations. It focuses on groups you'll see several times, and could potentially become a member of, but the first few points can be used for ones you'll only meet once, but still want to get along with. Take the initiative and throw yourself in there. Since it's easy for the group to benignly overlook you it's important to take the initiative to try to get to know everyone. Basically, whatever they're doing, put yourself in there and attempt to join their conversation. You almost have to act as if you're already an accepted member of the circle. If everyone is sitting around, then listen to the discussion and chip when you can. If they're all playing video games then grab a controller and take your turn when it comes up. If you're at a nightclub and they're all dancing, or playing pool, or talking on the patio, then that's where you should be. The biggest barriers to doing this are feeling too shy to put yourself in the middle of things, and feeling like you don't know what to say to everyone. Being able to contribute to the conversation can also be a problem because sometimes everyone will start talking about shared acquaintances, memories, or in-jokes that you don't know about. Don't feel you have to keep up with everyone 100% of the time, but do the best you can. It's also possible to feel like you've put yourself in the thick of things, but you're still coming across as more of a quiet observer than you think. If that's the case, this article may help: It can help not to think about throwing yourself into the mix in either-or terms, i.e., you believe you have to be ultra-outgoing or you may as well not bother at all. Even pushing yourself to speak a bit more than usual may be all that's needed. Or maybe you'll only take a little initiative one day, but go further the next. Another thing you can do is find a friendly face or two and try talking to them, and not pressure yourself to make the rounds and chat up every last person. At a larger gathering that may not be a realistic aim anyway. Acting as if you're a long-time group member vs. Asking getting-to-know-you questions. When you're around a bunch of new people your first instinct may be to ask them basic getting-to-know-you questions. Often that works fine, but they won't always be receptive. Established groups already know each other's background stories. When they hang out they talk about other topics, and are long past asking each other where they went to school and what they do for work. The group members may not be in the mood to be asked about themselves. They want to talk with all their buddies, which is more entertaining and comfortable. They want you to be in the discussion and contribute to it as if you're familiar with everyone too. They can still get a good sense of what you're like that way (e.g., how outgoing you are, your sense of humor, your opinions, and so on). Learning the resume details can come later. Again, some people are open to a standard getting-to-know-you exchange, however, if you initially try that and they don't seem enthusiastic, switch to the other approach. Don't feel like you're at an audition. I think a lot of people put too much pressure on themselves when they hang out with a new group the first few times, because they feel like they have to show their best side and win everyone over. This sometimes backfires. You can get a bit nervous, try way too hard to make an amazing impression, and end up accomplishing the exact opposite. Like someone may try to talk themselves up by telling stories about their funny experiences, but come off as a bragging conversation monopolizer. They may overdo it with trying to joke around and be chummy with everyone and seem a bit socially clueless. Even though you do have to take the initiative and put yourself out there, you don't have to go over the top and razzle dazzle everyone either. Act the way you normally would around friends. Don't try to be more energetic than usual, or joke around more than you typically would. Basically, if the group is going to like you, they're going to like you. Just do your thing and see how it all plays out. You can't be a good match for everyone, so don't be too hard on yourself if things don't click. Article continues below. Free training: How to double your social confidence in 5 minutes" On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. Click here to go to the free training. Don't get discouraged if things don't go perfectly the first time. Another important thing to keep in mind is that the first time you meet everyone usually doesn't make or break you. Find new friends to hang out with
