Click here for Does online dating work Learn the 4 reasons it does and doesn, t work. Does Online Dating Work? Learn from Grant Langston, former CEO of eHarmony, the reasons you failed at online dating and what it takes to succeed. Does online dating work. Rather, I think they are asking two questions: Question #1: Grant, you see me standing here in front of you …, WILL I FIND LOVE ONLINE DATING? and/or. Question #2: Grant, will online dating help me find a better person than if I do it myself? Let’,s look at each question separately…, Question#1: Does online dating work and will I find love using online dating? Answer: Yes, It can work, if you let it. Online dating is just a marketplace. Tinder isn’,t making your matches in the basement. It’,s just people who are coming together in search of something. Uber is a marketplace —, people selling rides and people needing rides. Airbnb is a marketplace —, people needing a place to stay, people renting a place to stay. If you’,re using an online dating site and your value in the marketplace is high, you will attract a lot of attention. If George Clooney was on eHarmony, even if his name was Billy Jones, he would be flooded with attention. Occasionally, I would review emails or correspondence from clients who would complain that they were paying for a subscription but that they were not getting the attention they felt they deserved from the other people on the online dating site, clearly they felt that Online dating didn’t work for them. It always made me chuckle a little bit since I knew that there’,s no one to blame, except yourself. Paying for a subscription (or not… even on a free dating site) on an online dating site is not a guarantee of dating success. Since, as I’ve mentioned it is fundamentally a marketplace, you need to think about how you market yourself and what your target market is. In any marketplace there is competition. You need to prepare for that and use every tool available to you to create a “,presence”, even a “,brand”, that will attract others in the marketplace to you. Your goal, presumably if you joined a site and pay a fee, is to be as successful as possible in searching for, finding and connecting with another person who would be an excellent match for you and vice versa. You would think that this would define “,successful online dating”, and even overall proof that online dating does work. However, there is a whole group of people that regularly fail at online dating or even sabotage their online dating experience through the actions and inaction they take. Thankfully, they usually continue to pay month after month without addressing the problem. There are, in my opinion, three reasons people who join and pay fail at online dating: 1. You are trying to attract the kind of people who are out of your “league” Men often take the attitude, “,I’,m paying for this service so I will only accept women who are 9s or 10s.”, They never seem to wonder what they might have to offer a 9 or 10. They typically cannot attract a 9 or a 10 off of the dating site but they seem to think that just because they are paying the monthly subscription that this is somehow going to make a 9 or a 10 start to notice them and be interested in them. This leads to great frustration… and a few angry emails or calls to the support group. Women are often more fixated on “,success”, than looks. They want a man who “,has his shit together”, which is just code for “,successful”,, which is just code for “,has money”,. They might forget that they are not alone in wanting to find a successful man and that, in general, “successful” men attract women/men on and off of the online dating sites, hence they might tend to have a lot of options to choose from…, and a lot of competition from other online daters. Thus, you might want to ask yourself, “What do I have to offer this successful person that would make them interested in me”? Are you wealthy too, successful too …are you a 9 or a 10? What do you bring to the proverbial “,table”, to generate their interest? Here’s the thing, if you spend your time chasing people who are at the very highest end of your league, you will find that most of them, maybe all of them, aren’,t very interested in you. That’,s life. But if you play in the zone where you have the most interest then it can be a lot of fun and online dating will work and be fun for you. Here’s a fun little exercise I learned years ago from another dating expert. Write down up to 15 attributes and/or traits you would want in YOUR perfect match. It could be things like looks, age, success, education, career, etc. Anything that is vitally important to you, you should note it. Now …. work back down your list and honestly compare yourself to your ideal match. Do you have enough to offer that there is parity between what you want and what you bring to the table? If there is not a fair amount of parity then they are probably not going to be interested in you… and that’s ok because there are plenty of people out there that are going to be interested in you and be a great match for you! Speaking of what league you’re in, many people neglect the first and foremost tool they have to attract a match on the site, their profile photo. It’s the first thing that anyone sees and the only thing they have to go on in deciding whether they want to interact with you or learn more about you. I’ve seen 9’s and 10’s upload photos that downgraded them to a 6 or 7. Which made them question ”does online dating work? Once they upgraded their photo there was a dramatic change in the quality of matches they would get. Conversely, I’ve seen someone who, realistically was more of a 5 or 6, lead with a great profile photo and attracted the attention of people at the highest end of their league to great success. So how do you know what league you’re in because self-reflection is hard and your friends lie? Well, I’ve seen two methods to get feedback on which range you operate in because if you want online dating to work, you need to know. You can either go high tech or use a more “manual” approach. There are even Artificial Intelligence photo analysis tools out there that compare your profile photo to billions of other photos and in essence rate your looks, age, emotion, etc. This is interesting because different photos of the same person can leave entirely different impressions. You might just be choosing a “bad” photo of you that is sending the wrong message and essentially downgrading you. On the other hand, if you’ve got time, you can try the more manual approach. If you aren’,t sure what league you are in, go back and look at your matches. See who has responded to you and who hasn’,t. If no one has responded, start from scratch and reach out to 20 people. Some you consider 2’,s, 4’,s, 6’,s and 9’,s. You’,ll find out soon enough what league you’re in your area. 2. You won’,t put in the work needed to make online dating successful. All things in life that are worthwhile take effort. Sometimes tremendous effort. You might think that someone who is looking for a partner to live with and love seriously would be willing to work hard in that search and put in the effort necessary to use every tool at their disposal to succeed in their search. For the most part, you’d be wrong. I’ve often found this to be very perplexing. If you made the conscious decision to join an online dating site and started paying them money monthly AND you knew that empirically online dating works. You know this because online dating sites across the board result in far more relationships than when people try to meet people on their own at work, church a bar or any other place you can think of. Does dating sites work Does online dating work Online dating does not work Does online dating really work How do online dating algorithms work Dating apps do they work Does dating online really work How does the dating app tinder work
