Click here for History of online dating Some people look back fondly on dating, generations ago, with romantic ideas of greater morality and better values. Others think that with all of the online apps and matchmaking websites we have today, it's never been easier to play the field. But each era of dating in the past century was not without its pros, its cons, and its own set of unspoken rules. From the turn of the 20th century, to the present day, romantic relationships have been an evolving part of culture, just like everything else. Dating becomes a thing. The concept of dating really began at the turn of the 20th century. Prior to the late early 1900s, courtship was a much more private, unemotional affair. Women would meet with several men, with her parents present, to whittle the pickings down to the most suitable match for marriage, which heavily relied on factors such as financial and social status. When a young woman decided on a man she wanted to see exclusively, their activities as a couple took place either in the household, or at social gatherings. At that time, there was no such thing as just two young lovers "going out on a date." However, this began to change in the early years of the 20th century, when couples began to go out together in public and unsupervised. Still, the ultimate and very apparent goal was still that of marriage. This stands in stark contrast to today's dating world, when the topic of marriage may not be brought up for several years. The gentleman caller. The first decade of the 20th century was marked by the figure of the gentleman caller. If a young man was interested in a young woman, he would follow the proper protocol of calling upon her, which meant that he would come to the family's home and (hopefully) be welcomed into their parlor. If he was invited back for subsequent visits, he would be free to come and call upon the young woman during hours specified by her parents. As the years rolled on into the 1920s, however, this system quickly became outdated and unfavorable. Author Beth L. Bailey writes in her book From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in Twentieth Century America , "Dating had almost completely replaced the old system of calling by the mid-1920s — and, in so doing, had transformed American courtship." This was a period of time when couples started going out on dates, which also meant they started paying for dates. This changed the relationship dynamic between a young man and a young woman, as now it was the man's duty to pay for the date, whereas before it was the woman who decided the terms of the visit. Courtship vs. dating. The fundamental difference between courtship and dating is that of freedom. While traditional courtship had its own set of rules and rituals, dating, as it evolved, became less structured. Courtship was seen as a fundamental part of a well-functioning society. When people started dating, relationships became less restricted and more personal. So what instigated this cultural shift? In Jodi O'Brien's book, Encyclopedia of Gender and Society, Volume I , she writes, "Different institutions were becoming more prominent in the lives of young men and women, such as school, college, and workplaces, which exposed them to a large pool of potential dating partners. As a result, the purpose of dating was primarily to have fun, not to find a marriage partner. However, couples would form after several dates if they were interested in having more exclusive relationships." This starts to resemble what we would now conceive of as modern dating, and the ritual of courtship was left in the dust. A proper match vs. falling in love. With the introduction of dating also came the focus on falling in love, rather than finding a society-approved match. In previous years, love was not seen as being of central importance to a marriage, and if it was to come it would emerge after the wedding had already occurred. But with the introduction of dating came an increased desire for romance and love before deciding to commit to marriage. This concept, explained in depth in The Oxford Companion to United States History, goes, "By the early nineteenth century, couples began to consider romantic love prerequisite for marriage and based their unions on companionship. The era's fiction frequently drew on love themes, while articles, essays, and public orations stressed mutual respect, reciprocity, and romance as ingredients of good marriages. Young courting couples chose their own partners, and their letters focused on romance rather than on the practical matters that had dominated the correspondence of earlier generations." The desire to climb the social ladder or to secure one's place in society fell by the wayside, and the desire to find a favorable longterm partner took its place. Going steady. In the 1950s, "going steady" was the term for being in an exclusive relationship. This status was about the relationship, sure, but it was also about standing out amongst your peers. According to the University of California, Santa Barbara, "Across university campuses, couples publicized their decision to 'go steady' when the man gave the woman an article of his clothing to wear, such as a jacket, sweater, or ring." Dating had become much more about youth culture than about family expectations. The way in which two people experienced sexuality when dating also shifted. In the earlier part of the 20th century, sex and sexuality were not openly discussed. As author Jodi O'Brien put it, "Sex was desexualized" and reserved for marriage, when the couple had entered into a spiritual union with God. As dating gradually became more about personal pleasure throughout the decades, the expression of sexuality became much more commonplace. According to the Oxford Companion to United States History , "The terms 'necking' and 'petting' — the former referring to kisses and caresses above the neck, the latter to the same below it — entered public discussion, giving names to previously unspoken private activities." Now when we think of the '50s, we tend to think of a period of purity and the Stepford Wife ideal, but in actuality, it was a time of sexual change that ended up resulting in a dramatic increase in population. Free love. Between the popularization of rock 'n' roll, and protesting the Vietnam War, 1960s youth culture was hot for revolution. Not only was it the activities of the US government that young people were resisting, but they were shirking old social conventions as well. If the '50s saw young people starting to experiment with sex, the '60s was the resulting explosion of sexual activity in the name of freedom. For a long time, sex was either not discussed or seen as a kind of enemy — a destroyer of young girl's reputations. But this stopped being the case with the hippie generation. America in the 1960s author Edmund Lindop describes the sexual shift of the period, "For youth of the 1960s, such restrictions were a thing of the past. Many young women took birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. They freely explored their sexual feelings. Sex before marriage was no longer taboo. Young people extolled the benefits of "free love"— that is, making love without marriage or long-term commitments." There were no rules for dating anymore. Young people did what they wanted, when they wanted, and modern-day "hook up" culture began. History of computer dating History of dating apps History of online dating sites
