Click here for Sex dating sites that actually work It turns out the “adult” hook-up app really works for women like me. Up until a point. Feeld Notes is a column about a middle-aged woman who suddenly realizes she wants to have sex again—and the beguiling app she uses to do it. I don’t like the men on dating apps. As in, I don’t press “like.” I’m engaged in a passive dynamic with all of the platforms wherein I sit back and wait for men to approach me and then accept (or reject) their attempts to match. My friend Emily thinks this is a big mistake. “You should go after what you want,” she says. “Not let what you want be decided by who goes after you.” She has a point. Waiting to be noticed and affirmed by men is just another way of enacting my decadeslong tendency to try to solicit or engineer male approval … and then feel grateful when I get any at all. Knowing that a guy likes me first relieves me of some of the risk of rejection, though it doesn’t make those actual rejections any easier to take. There’s also a self-righteousness about the posture I adopt. I like to tell myself that meeting men in this way is a protest of how dating apps strip users of their humanity. I’ve always felt uneasy about the “swipe right, swipe left,” up-or-down interfaces. So I tell myself that by responding to others’ initial efforts but not putting forth any of my own, I’m somehow rising above a dynamic of making split-second decisions about another person’s romantic or sexual potential. Put another way: If I don’t “like” or “dislike” them first, I can’t be accused of treating the apps, as one friend put it, as if it they are never-ending carousels of human meat. Feeld is different. Sort of. One of the app’s more interesting features is that, unlike, say, places like Hinge or Tinder, moving through a collection of profiles doesn’t require disliking one profile to see the next. On Feeld, you can scroll though as many profiles as you want, “like” some, and leave the others alone.
